


I'll Hold You Until Then

by JRanger_Raven



Category: Ranger's Apprentice - John Flanagan
Genre: F/M, Metaphors, Pets, Sadness, Spring, Winter, because I can't help it, i'm half sorry, its based on a japanese tale called the crane wife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-07 17:58:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5465687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JRanger_Raven/pseuds/JRanger_Raven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will and Alyss have enough in their lives, even if they're not that famous, and even if they don't have that much money. They have each other. Ever since Alyss came to Will on that melodic spring evening... that's all they ever needed.</p><p>Until even that is taken away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Despite Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic requested by another nice Tumblr anon. I put a little spin on their request (being to write a WIlyss fic where Will gets sick, and then the sickness starts to get more severe) to match the old Japanese tale The Crane Wife. It'll be changed in some places. Still, credit goes to the anon.

It’s curious how the forest looks most beautiful when it’s dead. The grass has grown brown, the leaves have fallen from the trees, but a white coating that rained from the sky covers everything and turns a grave into a wonderland. But, unlike the flowers that grow in the spring and bring the same illusion, the snow is not alive. It’s dead, just like the ground. It just looks pleasing.

 

Will paused for a moment, adjusting the firewood under his arm so it didn’t fall. Sable stopped, too, but then quickly ran forward when he resumed his walk. She had to lift up her legs to her chest to even take a step, and it was cute. It was even cuter when she stumbled, despite her best attempts. Will could swear he saw a hint of embarrassment on the canine’s face, when he laughed and she sheepishly picked herself back up.

“Getting old, aren’t you, girl?” Will whispered. He bent down, balancing the wood the best he could to pet her head. Sable licked his hand.

Then a rush of wind ambushed them. It was the coldest they’d felt that day, even shaking some snow off the branches of the trees and making the two companions shiver down in their bones. The sun was still high in the sky; it was still noon.

With a sigh, Will silently accepted that the winter that year would be rough, long, and hard. This part of the country was prone to those, but it didn’t make them any easier. Every other year, Will’s endurance would be tested; again and again, he would scrape by with half a penny in his pocket. That was kind of a miracle in itself, he supposed.

Will pulled his jacket tighter around himself. He walked forward with Sable, bribing himself to go forward with the idea of a warm fire when he got back to his cabin. He had less than half a mile left. Push through…

Keep walking…

Then a stirring caught his eye. Meters forward, behind a tree, something as white as snow was moving, but it wasn’t snow. Will was lucky to have seen it; if his eyes had been just slightly more to the left, it would’ve gone completely unnoticed. A kind of miracle.

A miracle that he probably wouldn’t have survived that winter without.

 

Will abandoned the firewood for the time being, and instead carried the bird home. Not to eat, but to mother. The crane’s feathers were stained with blood. He found, after further inspection that the bird hadn’t broken any bones. That was fortunate, seeing as Will had no experience with helping birds heal.

“I wish I could help you,” Will whispered, cradling the bird in his arms in front of the fire. It was warmest there, and God knew they both needed warmth. Sable was curled up next to Will, her back touching his leg, and sleeping. “I can’t do anything but hold you.”

He kissed the weak bird’s forehead. “But in this weather, you can’t go anywhere,” he said. “In the spring, you can.”

He smiled. “I’ll hold you until then.”

 

Will didn’t hunt any birds that winter. He ate half of the few animals he caught, and then sold the other half to buy food for his crane, Miracle.

Sable, of course, started to get jealous of Miracle. She didn’t become violent towards the bird, but rather a lot clingier to Will. Will couldn’t go anywhere without Sable by his side. Usually that wasn’t a problem, but when Will needed to tend to Miracle he’d rather not have Sable there to make her nervous. Sable was the nicest dog in the world, but how could Miracle know that?

How could she understand anything Will was saying? When she was wailing in pain and he told her that it was going to be okay, was the tone of his voice enough to assure her? He prayed that his words were reaching her, or that the tears that fell onto her feathers were soaking in and telling her that he cared.

Miracle couldn’t fly for a while. She couldn’t live, without Will helping her, and that was why Will couldn’t just drop dead one day in the forest with the knowledge that nobody would miss him. Somebody needed him. Miracle needed him. So he needed her.

“I’m sorry,” Will muttered to her, on one particular day a week after he had taken her in. She had hurt herself trying to fly away. “I can’t let you go just yet. It’s still cold out there.” He glanced at the door, barely holding against the roaring snowstorm outside. It was colder that day than it had been all season. Too cold for anything to fly out there. “It’s not that I’m selfish. It’s that you won’t last out there for very long.”

He paused. “And…” he whispered, “I’m also selfish.” Will’s eyes flickered to Sable, sleeping by his leg. He could hear her raspy breathing; as he ran a hand down her soft back, he felt the softness fading by the moment. The distinct bumps of her spine were poking through her skin.

Will looked away before his eyes could start stinging. Miracle was nuzzling her beak under his leg, pulling herself closer to him even as the moving made her whimper in pain.

She did not try to fly away again.

Not until the snow melted off the ground, and the days grew longer. Will held her closer. He made his outings shorter and his time with Miracle longer. Every day he expected her to have left, so he cracked the door open every day he went out with Sable. And, every day, he would return to see Miracle perched on a chair waiting for him. He thought, Maybe it’ll snow again, for whatever reason. Maybe winter isn’t over yet.

One day, Will woke up to see Miracle perched near the window, looking out. But weeks passed, and the flowers started springing up again. Life was blooming everywhere where death used to be. Even though Miracle was just a bird, Will could’ve sworn he saw a smile on her face as she stared out into the world outside.

And, despite himself, he smiled. “I guess it’s time, then,” he whispered.

He lifted Miracle on his arm, and carried her outside. A brush of wind passed them by, but it wasn’t cold, unlike everything they’d seen together so far. “Look,” Will said. “Isn’t it beautiful?” He lifted his arm higher, but the bird just tuned her head and stared at him.

Will stared back.

Their eyes were meeting, and even though Miracle was just a bird, he could’ve sworn he saw a tear fall from her eye, like the one that was falling from his.

“I promised you…” he whispered, “that I’d hold you until you could do it yourself. Well, now, you can.” He shoke his arm, trying to make her leave. “Fly again.”

Miracle nodded. She jumped up, and outspread her wings. Part of Will was prepared for her to fall; for her wings to fail her and let her fall. He was prepared, just in case he had to reach out and catch her, but she flew perfectly. He watched, as she climbed higher and higher, flying like those flawless white wings had never been stained red in her life.

“That’s beautiful,” Will whispered. His eyes stung, and tears were raining from his eyes, but despite himself he smiled. “Holding you was enough, then.”

 

He and Sable had an easy time that day. There was a lot of game excited to come out in the presence of spring, but he didn’t shoot any birds. Now the idea made his stomach upset.

On the way back, he caught himself wondering, I wonder if Miracle left while I was gone. Afterwards, he laughed. “Oh, yeah,” he said. “Well, don’t be sad, girl. She was in the area when I found her, so maybe she’ll visit. Holler if you see a white crane nearby.”

Sable practically rolled her eyes; Will chuckled.

They approached Will’s cabin, mouths already watering at the prospect of delicious meat, sizzling on the fire for dinner. Usually Sable and Will didn’t get back this late. Usually they returned when the sun had a few hours to set, and Will spent the time between then and dinner going into town to trade, or reading. But spring was here, and they didn’t feel like wasting this beautiful new scene by staying inside. Will took his sketchbook this day. For hours he sat under a tree, weaving his heart onto the paper while Sable laid her head in his lap and slept.

Sometimes Will wished he didn’t live out so far in the sticks. Sometimes he dreamt of a big house, and more money than he knew what to do with… then he would wake up and hear the rustling of the leaves, and feel the sunlight kissing his face, and realize that he could never truly live anywhere else.

And yet, there was something missing. He had a loyal companion, a roof over his head, and if he worked hard, enough money to live with… so what was missing?

What did he need?

That day, Will walked home to find something new. Outside on his porch, sitting on the steps, was a girl he’d never seen before. She was stringing daisies together in a necklace, and singing. He knew he had never heard this song before, and yet it was so familiar. He felt like he could sing along to the melody with her in perfect tune, but that would ruin her beautiful voice. Was this girl a professional singer? No, her voice wasn’t fine-tuned like you would find in musical theatre. She was born with it, and he could feel it. He could feel all of it like she was embracing him with her voice.

In all of his enchantment he had stopped dead in his tracks. The girl noticed, and her voice faded when she looked up and their eyes met. Across this distance, he couldn’t see any of the distinct features of her face… but when you haven’t looked into a human’s eyes for so long, you know for certain when someone is staring at you.

And she smiled.

And then winter ended.


	2. Innocence

It was rare, now, that Will woke up first. Back when he was alone, he always woke up first because there was no one there to compare his sleeping patterns to. But now, whenever he dragged himself out of bed and out of the bedroom, he’d feel kind of lazy.

Because every morning, the scent of food cooking would fill the air. And every morning, happiness would be the first thing he felt.

 

Will snuck up behind the cook. Her back was turned, and she had no idea Will had woken up. She would’ve greeted him if she had.

Right before he was close enough for her to sense him, he closed the distance, wrapping his arms around her waist. A small gasp escaped her, then she composed herself and rolled her eyes.

“Good morning, you cheeky man,” she said.

“Morning,” he murmured, into her neck. He felt the edges of her mouth move as she smiled.

“Smell good?” she asked.

“Delicious.”

And it was. Alyss was a great cook. Not that Will was too bad himself, but he was nothing by comparison.

Will hunted, Alyss cooked. That was the way it had been since Will came home to find a beautiful stranger, singing a beautiful, strange song on his front porch. He didn’t know why she had suddenly decided to come into his life then, and he didn’t know now, but his curiousity was overridden by his respect for Alyss’s privacy. She had her reasons, he was sure, and as long as she stayed and loved him like he loved her, he was happy. He was happier than he’d ever been.

When it came down to it, he didn’t care why she was here. As long as it could stay this way forever.

“It’s very good,” Will said, in reference to her cooking over breakfast.

Alyss smiled. “I’m glad. I think we’ll have enough left over for tomorrow.”

Not to say that cooking was all she did. No, she could hunt well and get by by herself if she needed to. His first impression of her was that of serenity, and beauty, and although he wasn’t wrong about that, he soon came to realize that he couldn’t baby her. She wouldn’t let him do everything for her.

And he loved that part of her just as much. She could outshine the moon and the stars, and she could shoot them down.

Just as Will turned back to his food- he had been so busy staring that he forgot all about his meal- a tickle rose up in his throat, one that he couldn’t get rid of. After several moments of fighting it, he couldn’t anymore and exploded into a sudden coughing fit; a smudge of black ink on the white paper that was their calming morning.

Alyss’s eyes snapped up from her plate. “You okay?” she asked.

In between coughing, Will managed to get out the words: “Yeah, yeah, I’m alright.”

She nodded. “Swallowed wrong, I think,” he said, his throat no longer irritated.

“Hope it’s not a cold,” replied Alyss. She wasn’t too worried anymore, though, and ate another bite of her breakfast.

“I doubt it. It’s the end of spring.”

Besides, Will didn’t feel sick.

He didn’t think he could ever feel sick again.

 

The day was normal. Will and Alyss went hunting with Sable after breakfast. Unlike the hunting afternoons Will had experienced before, the ones they spent together weren’t so much for hunting as they were for just being there and doing whatever they felt they needed to do. They did as much hunting as they could, but then took breaks in between to talk, or then just lay under a tree together and take a nap. Well, Alyss took a nap- Will drew.

He was struggling to convey his feelings on the paper, like always. Once he got going, he was fine, but there was always that itch in his mind. That invading thought. He wondered if it was ever possible to pour every single feeling onto a simple piece of paper. Even perfect models had their limits. No perfect confession could say everything in a person’s heart, like a picture is never finished.

It’s a good thing, when you know that there’s always something more to learn. There’s always something new to be discovered about life, or about yourself; on the other hand, if that’s true, then there’s always something more you could do. But you can’t do everything. Life is an hourglass, after all.

Why do I depress myself in a place like this? Will asked himself. He looked to the side, where Alyss’s head was laying on his shoulder. How can I think so grimly, when she’s here next to me?

He flipped past the page filled with shades of grey, and misshaped smiles. On the next page he found a full sheet of white. So much potential. There was so much innocence where there was nothing.

He pressed the lead to the paper, and drew a straight line to begin. What was this picture going to be?

 

“That’s really beautiful,” Alyss whispered.

“Thank you,” he whispered back. She had not said a word for the past minute even though Will could feel she was awake.

But he felt another tickle crawl up his throat. It was impossible this time to oppress it for even a second. He leaned away from Alyss, just in time to cough. This time it didn’t go on as long as it had during breakfast.

The spot where Alyss’s head had previously been was still warm, but getting colder even in the spring-ish air. He wished he hadn’t moved away, but he couldn’t spread whatever germs he had. He would get plenty of chances to hold her again. Plenty of chances to lay next to her, that he wouldn’t give up for any price.

“That’s the third time today,” Alyss said, after he was done.

“Fourth,” Will corrected.

“Which is worse.”

Will shrugged. “It’s just an irritation,” he said. “I don’t feel light-headed or anything, so don’t be concerned.”

“If you say so.”

He adjusted his back against the tree so his muscles wouldn’t fall asleep, but then changed his mind at the last minute. “We have enough food,” he said, rising to his feet. “We still need enough time to go into town, so let’s start heading back, if that’s okay.”

“That’s fine. I was thinking about it myself.” Alyss stood up with him, only to squat down in front of Sable and try to shake her awake. “Heey Sable,” she whispered. The dog’s eyes opened and her tail wagged, and yet she didn’t feel like moving anything else.

“Let’s go home, you lazy lug,” Will heard Alyss say. He was packing up the food, and trying to hide the familiar tickle in his throat that he couldn’t ignore.

Sable stood up, and shook the leaves off her fur with a little help from Alyss.

“Oh, Will, let’s not forget to get an onion while we’re in town,” she called over to him, several yards away. “I’ll be using it tonight.”

“It’s written on the list.”

“We don’t keep a list.” Any paper they acquired, Will used for his drawing. Their budget was tight, but drawing was one of the few pleasures they could afford. The only other one was the loom that Alyss would weave using, and she made some beautiful pieces of clothing with it. It was worth the money.

Will had a good memory, so he could usually remember what they needed to get without a physical list.

“The list is in my mind,” he said. He turned around, and tapped his finger against his head.

“You think you’re so clever,” said Alyss with an involuntary smirk.

“Why, of course.” Will smiled at her, meeting her eyes one last time before he turned away and hoisted onto his shoulder the ropes carrying their catch. He thought he could hide his cough…

At first he did. At first he concealed it, while Alyss was talking to Sable and picking up their hunting equipment, but it turned into another one of those fits and caught her attention quickly.

“Not again,” Alyss mumbled. “Could it be allergies?”

Will tried to answer, but he couldn’t open his mouth without coughing his insides out.

He was so dizzy he couldn’t stand without hunching over, and then not even that was enough. He fell to his knees. The pain he felt from hitting the ground was vague; even the pain he did feel was fading quickly.

“Will!” a girl’s voice exclaimed. An arm wrapped around his shoulder, right as the coughing stopping. That, the arm, felt good. Then, no longer was the coughing the most painful thing happening to him.

When he could at least open his eyes, he didn’t see much. His vision was blurry, and that could’ve been from a number of things including the numbing ache in his skull, or the drops of tears in his eyes. He could make out colors, and could only see one: red.

Blood. He saw the blood dripping down his chin, and splattered onto his closed fist. Alyss noticed it, too.

She said something that he couldn’t make out, before the blurriness dissolved into darkness. It was all dark, now. He wasn’t in pain. He was… He…


	3. Hollow

It had been three and a half hours since Will dropped to his knees and blacked out. It took a half of an hour to carry him back home- Alyss was strong, but not that strong- and now he was laying on his bed with a wet rag over his forehead. That was supposed to help if you had a fever, and judging by the temperature of his forehead, he was either running a dangerously high fever or he was literally catching on fire.  


For three hours, Alyss had not left his side. She waited, patiently on a chair by the bed, after having cleaned up the blood on his lips and fingers.  


He was breathing… which was about as much comfort as she was going to get. For three hours, she tried to calm the fast beating heart in her chest. She knew she did her best thinking when she was calm… and yet nothing seemed to sooth that panic inside her.  


Alyss reached her arm out from where it was tucked around her side, and held Will’s hand in her own. His head was warm, but his hands were so cold. Alyss wanted to warm them, but she couldn’t, when she was feeler colder by the minute.  


An hour passed.  


Alyss fell asleep for a short five minutes, then woke back up again to a still sleeping Will.  


Some more time had to pass before finally, Will could start opening his eyes.  


“Will…” Alyss whispered. He held Will’s hand again, having let go before she fell asleep.  


“Mm,” Will mumbled. He was trying to get used to his body… blinking; stretching his fingers; breathing out of his mouth. “Alyss… Are…” His eyes met hers. “What happened?” he asked.  


“You blacked out,” she told him. “You start coughing again, but this time you coughed up blood… then you passed out. I carried you home, and we’re back in the cabin.”  


Will nodded. Sounded about right. The last thing he remembered was red… that must’ve been the blood.  


“I…” Will started to sit up. His head was still aching, but it felt weird talking while laying down.  


Alyss put her hand on his chest, and pushed him back down. She said, sternly so he knew she wasn’t joking, “Don’t get up yet. You still look dizzy.”  


“I’m fine. I just have a fever.” Will adjusted the rag on his forehead. He didn’t have to feel his forehead specifically to know how warm his temperature was.  


Alyss replied, “Well, yes, to put it lightly. That could explain the dizziness, but it doesn’t even begin to explain the blood.”  


“Maybe I just cut my throat a little,” said Will. His voice was coming back to him, now. He didn’t sound as dead anymore. “All that coughing must’ve damaged something. Worn out my throat to the point where it’s bleeding.”  


“I… I doubt that. This isn’t something we can just brush off, and assume everything’s okay.”  


“I-” Will started to speak, but he was interrupted by a scratching in his throat, like sandpaper. He raised his fist up to cover his mouth when he coughed.  


Alyss stood by and waited. She didn’t need to say anything. Her point had just been proven, right as Will was starting to argue with it.  


But there was no sassy “I told you so” coming out of her. Any other circumstance and there would’ve been, but every single one of her thoughts were focused on Will’s wellbeing. This cough sounded even worse than the others. It was deeper. Hollower. Like he was bleeding from the inside out.

“W-Will…” Alyss heard her voice waver, and quickly silenced it. She couldn’t possibly be more scared than Will was. Alyss set her hand on Will’s shoulder, but he guided it away.

“I-I don’t know if this is contagious,” he started to explain. “Don’t get too close.” A cough or two later, he felt he was done. He pulled his hand away, and they saw droplets of red splattered on his fist.

 

Once Will had promised not to leave his bed, Alyss left the cabin and went into town. She left him with a sandwich, made with pieces meat she had planned to cook with that night, and a tiny kiss on the forehead even though he insisted he was alright. At least he wasn’t about to collapse over himself anymore.

But when Alyss got to town, she didn’t go in the direction of the market. She headed to an area she had only seen once, when Will was giving her a tour. She’d never gone there. She and Will always thought that if there was ever a need to visit, they were pretty much dead. But not today.

 

There was a bell on the inside of the door, that rang when Alyss walked in. It drew the attention of a man, assumably the man in charge, and the one she was here to see, sitting across from her at a desk. He looked up and smiled.

“Hello, may I help you?” he asked.

“Yes, please.” Alyss let her eyes dart around the room for a brief moment- she took in all the scenery before she made herself focus on the man in front. The walls were wooden, scratched over, and unpolished, letting you know that if all possible, you should place your hopes elsewhere.

“You see…” she began, “my husband is sick.”

“Oh?” The doctor put down whatever papers he was shuffling in his hands and folded them in his lap, much like a doctor would. “What exactly happened?”

Will and Alyss weren’t really married. Saying that, though, would bring up less questions. Make things less complicated.

“Well, he’s been coughing a lot recently; it got worse today. He said he felt fine, but a few hours ago, he passed out. There was blood on his hands from where he was coughing… He woke up, now, but he has a high fever and the coughing isn’t better. It’s worse.” Alyss averted her eyes, for another brief moment.

“Oh…” The doctor’s face, whether it was fake or not, was full of compassion. “I’m very sorry, my lady.”

“Can you treat him?”

“Yes, yes, I’ve had cases like this before.” He stood up from his desk, walking over to her. “I could help, but it depends.”

“On what?”

“The pay, of course.”

Of course.

“Well, you see…” said Alyss, “my husband and I aren’t exactly wealthy.” The look on his face said ‘I guessed that’, probably judging by her clothes, but he held himself back. “He trades in animal furs and game, but it’s not enough to make us rich.”

“I see.” The doctor walked away from her, which gave her his answer before he said it: “Then, I’m sorry, I can’t help you.”

“But, doctor,” she objected, “name another price and we’ll pay it.”

“I can’t accept anything other than money,” he replied. “Even if you’re… selling.” He nodded towards her body.

Alyss’s face turned red, not with embarrassment. With fury.

“I am not,” she snapped. How dare he? Part of her was glad he wasn’t accepting that, because even through her disgust, she knew that if that was his price then she would pay it. But that didn’t matter, anyway.

“I hope your husband gets better,” the doctor said. He made another gesture, this time towards the door.

But Alyss approached the desk. “Anything, sir,” she said. Her words were desperate, but her face was anything but. “He needs help.”

For a small moment she thought maybe she had gotten to him… He hesitated, just long enough to give her false hope.

She left there as empty-handed as she had arrived.

False hope was the cruelest thing to give, sometimes even crueler than no hope at all. Or is it better to hope and to loose, than to never hope at all? Like love, kind of.


	4. I'm Afraid

Will didn’t get better. As time passed, he got more stable on his feet. He still went out hunting with Alyss and Sable, and traded furs in town, but he wasn’t healing. His coughing fits got longer, and more violent. He often got dizzy and had to sit down for a minute… but he never cried. He never complained. Will would even go so far as to make jokes about his situation, or laugh whenever he did something that on the outside seemed funny, but was, in reality, probably because he was dying.

Yes. He was dying.

But Alyss couldn’t tell that because of his worsening condition. She knew because even though she wasn’t the one who was hurting, she could feel it. She could sense whenever he was in pain. If he was depressed, or struggling to make it through, she felt in her bones that something was wrong with the world. It was like they each had a string tied to one hand, and whenever one of them was in trouble they would pluck the string and even if the other was a million worlds away, they could feel it.

Alyss didn’t know why she woke up one night. The sky wasn’t bright, and Will hadn’t moved. It took her a moment to fully wake up and realize that something didn’t feel right. Her stomach was turning, but there was no nausea. Then she realized…

Alyss turned over to where Will was facing away from her, and put her hand on his shoulder. “Will…” she whispered. She knew he was awake. He didn’t have to talk to her for her to feel him.

His shoulders shook. His body temperature was way off… it didn’t matter if it was a warm night.

Alyss whispered his name again, breaking off at the end. She didn’t know what to say. What could she do?

She couldn’t find a job to pay for the medicine he needed… she’d tried for the past few weeks for a job, but nobody would take her because she was a girl. Well, one job hired her, but it hardly paid anything and it would take a century for her to get enough money. She couldn’t convince the doctor to help him. She couldn’t take his pain away…

Will turned over. He was getting night sweats so badly his hair was soaked, and he was panting hard out of his nose.

Even in the pitch blackness of the room, their eyes met. Oh, his eyes were beautiful...

“How am I the only one crying?” Alyss whispered. “You’re hurting, Will… You’re just as- no, more scared than me; I can feel it.”

“I’m not afraid to die,” Will replied. His tone was even softer than hers. Maybe it was because it was so late, and it was so quiet that Will felt like if he spoke too loudly, it would ruin everything. Or maybe it was because he was spending too much energy on being in pain.

“If it’s with you,” he said, “I’m not afraid to die.”

“But it hasn’t been long enough. We just met at the beginning of spring, and it’s summer. It’s… Time has passed so quickly with you, but it feels like we’ve been together forever. How is that?”

Will smiled. “You know, Alyss… I’ve spent my entire life striving for something, but I never knew what,” he said. “I drew, because I wanted to not create, but discover. I wanted to dig deeper inside the Earth and discover the most amazing things about life. I was striving for the purest form of perfection; love; beauty… something that, no matter what its faults were or how you looked at it, it would always make you happy. It could make you feel something indescribable. Make you forget everything you don’t have, or make you feel like you have everything. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I knew I couldn’t calculate it, like you would something mathematical. It’s in your heart, not your brain. So I drew, to discover what was in there, in my heart… to find what I saw as beauty.” He paused. “I don’t have to draw anymore, Alyss. Because, all this time, you were the answer to all of that.”

Tears were streaming down Alyss’s face. “W-Will…” she sobbed. “Stop… speaking in past tense.”

“I’m not afraid, Alyss.” He reached across her ears and brushed her hair behind it. She loved it when he did that. She loved how gentle his hand felt against her skin. She loved how peaceful he could be, without coming off mellow or boring. She loved how they belonged here.

“I’ve found everything I want in life,” he said. “I just want to be by your side until it’s my time.”

“It’s not your time, Will.” Alyss wouldn’t give up. She couldn’t. The only way his death was certain was if she accepted it. “This isn’t old age, it’s a disease. It’s a disease that can be beaten.”

Will didn’t say anything after that. The string that connected them from the pulses in their wrists was still there, and stronger than ever; right now it was telling them that silence was the best answer. And both of them were alright with that. They didn’t always have to talk- if they had to talk every moment to keep the relationship going, that would be exhausting. A comfortable silence brought them even closer together than words could.

Alyss had one hand on Will’s chest, while his arms were wrapped around her waist. There was an arm’s length of space between them, but that was because it was easier to talk that way. And yet, Alyss felt, in a way, far away from him.

He was on a completely different level. The things he said to her… She felt like he was a being from another planet, full with wisdom and love and light… not from this world, but from the stars. Suddenly she understood even deeper what he was saying about meeting the person you’ve been trying to draw.

But why couldn’t she accept his death? No matter how much she loved him, or how much she could be happy dying with him of old age one day, she felt like this wasn’t enough. They had been together for one season, when they were meant to live for a thousand.

They’d discovered how much they loved each other, but that was the first step. Not the last.

Will had never cried before about his sickness. It was strange, because he didn’t hide his emotions. Not very well, at least. When he was happy, he laughed; when he was excited, he could get silly and childish, and when he was sad, he could cry. So he wasn’t faking strength for her sake. That never lasted long.

At first Alyss thought maybe he wasn’t faking anything. Maybe he was just on a much higher level than Alyss and could accept things like death, instead of being stubborn like her. That all changed when she saw tears falling from his eyes.

He had never cried before.

It occurred to her, finally, that he had been shivering before. But he wasn’t cold, he was sweating.

Now he was shaking like a terrified child.

Alyss wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him closer. He fit into her arms so nicely. His head was laying against her neck, soaking her with tears, and he was still sweating, but it didn’t matter. This was Will. She wanted, and she loved every part of him. When he was in happy, she wanted it. When he was angry, she wanted it. When he was hurting, and crying, and confused, and in pain, she would take him into her arms and love him even more.

Because Alyss remembered when he did the same.

“I’m scared,” Will sobbed. He was holding her tightly. His feelings were pouring out as fast as his tears. “I, I don’t want to die. I want to spend my life with you. I want to watch all the sunsets, and I want to hear all your songs. It’s not enough just yet. Let’s please grow old together; get married, have kids. Or not, I don’t care. I, I don’t want to go this way, please…” He cried harder, trying to bring the words together like he tried to bring together the lines on the paper. “I’m so scared to die.”

 

Compared to the next morning, all the other ones before felt like bliss. The conversation from the night before was fresh in Alyss’s mind. She knew she’d never forget a single detail of it for the rest of her life. It was the same schedule, though, and she woke up early to make breakfast.

Every time she felt like she was wasting time, she reminded herself gently that she would be working today. She would make money, but right now she had to eat… and then, every time, she was reminded of how long it would take to get the medicine and how much time she actually had.

She didn’t know how much time she had. And it was terrifying.

She thought it over while she cooked. Alyss needed something much more than what she was doing now, and she couldn’t put off figuring it out anymore. She felt like there was something on the tip of her tongue… something she could do to save him…

Will. Will. He couldn’t leave, no… The thought was bringing tears to her eyes. She felt like her heart was being pulled from all sides, and it took everything she had to try and hold it together.

Nothing came to her. When she was done cooking, Will still hadn’t woken up. She thought she would take a look outside just to see how everything was. Little did she know, that walk to the door would change everything.

A door on her right, down the hallway was open. Alyss hadn’t gone in that room in a while, and for some reason this was a big enough reason to stop her in her tracks and take a peek in. She realized, when she looked, why she hadn’t gone in there in so long.

In fact, she had forgotten all about it. There just wasn’t any time for fun.

But then an idea came to her, that made her face light up and gave her the first glimpse of hope she had seen in weeks. Hope was as forgotten and unfamiliar as that room.


	5. Sunshine Lover

There was no more time to waste.

Their loom was one of the few pleasures they could afford. With everything that had been going on with Will lately, it had slipped Alyss’s mind one of the things she did in her free time. She put herself to work that very hour. She knocked all the dust of the last few weeks off her shoulders and remembered through muscle memory how to weave again. It wasn’t long before she was an expert again.

All of that happened after breakfast. She had to make sure of something before she began.

Will woke up a little later than usual. She expected that, because of how late he stayed up the last night.

Thinking about that night made her heart hurt. She had never seen him that way. Remembering the words he spoke, and the way he held onto her for dear life was like pushing her heart into her stomach.

Don’t think about it, she told herself. Don’t think about it, or you’ll just cry again. It was too late for that… and it was too early to cry.

Then she heard the door open. Will walked out of their room, hair tousled even more than usual (which was saying a lot; no matter how hard Alyss tried to tame it, his hair wouldn’t cooperate with her or anyone) and looking like he just… well, woke up.

Looking at someone when they woke up was, in Alyss’s opinion, one of the best ways to see somebody. All their walls are down, and somehow they trusted you enough to be the first person to see them that day. All naturally. Like that…

Like that, he looked like the embodiment of the forest. He was the warm, fresh air and a clear sky. Beautiful piano music. Rough, unpolished sketches explaining deep thoughts. He was beautiful from all the wrong angles.

Alyss’s heart swelled with love when she saw him. And, just like that, all of her tears were gone. “Good morning,” she greeted. It was now.

 

They spoke nothing of the night before. All the things they wanted to say had been delivered and received, and the only thing to do was cry about it. But they wouldn’t do that.

Alyss explained, very vaguely, leaving about two thirds of the important stuff out, her new plan to save Will. He didn’t quite understand it, and she didn’t want him to. But she had one rule:

“While I am weaving, never, ever watch me.”

Will’s eyebrows raised, then came together. He took another sip of his coffee before replying. Will was, for some reason, really obsessed with coffee. He would joke about waking up every day just to drink coffee, whilst completely ignoring his girlfriend’s existence.

“Why?” he asked. “Will you get flustered by someone looking over your shoulder?” He chuckled, a little, as she did the same.

“Just don’t,” she said. “Promise me?”

“Yeah, whatever you ask. I don’t know why, but,” he took another sip, “I won’t look at what you’re doing.”

Alyss smiled. “Thank you,” she said.

Now she could begin.

 

It hurt. It did.

If you’re feeling physical pain, then to take it away you can to concentrate on some other form of physical pain… like squeezing your fist together and digging your nails into your skin, or pinching yourself. In this instance, Alyss didn’t distract herself with a smaller form of physical pain. Everything, and all she needed to make this bearable was the thought of Will.

Alyss hissed, tugging at another feather that didn’t come out immediately. She decided to take a break for a second, to try and ease the pain… but every second she spent trying to heal herself she felt Will’s life slipping through her fingers.

She glanced down at her arm, again. No longer was it covered in spotless, almost delicate looking white skin… but instead, gorgeous, snow white feathers. They were her favorite part of herself, and now they were worth almost nothing. Not to her. But to others…

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tore out another perfect feather. Tears were welling up now in her eyes… every time she tried to ignore the pain, it got worse… She told herself she would get used to it in time.

But she had pulled enough now. A small pile of feathers rested on top of the loom. She pushed the other thoughts away so that could concentrate on morphing her arm back into a human’s. Once it was back, she could see evidence of that destructive act. Small cuts ran along her arm, backed by a large, red rash, probably there because of the stress she was putting on her skin. But it was small enough that she could wrap it in a bandage later. Nothing that wouldn’t go away in a day. Tomorrow she could pluck from her other arm.

Alyss began, slowly, easing herself back into the rhythm of incorporating something new into her process.

Once she was getting the hang of it, she began to sing a version of a folk song Will had taught her a few seasons ago… It had been “Sunshine Lady”, but she created her own version, “Sunshine Lover”, which better fit Will and sounded gentler to her than the gender specific version.

“Sunshine lover,

Color of beauty in your hair.

Happiness is the gown you wear.

I would follow you anywhere,

My sunshine lover.”

A smile crept to Alyss’s lips, as she remembered when he sang it to her. He was sitting with her by the fire, one arm around her, the other around their dog. He knew, from her open eyes, that she wasn’t close to falling asleep. And Will didn’t tell her he was singing her a lullaby to make that easier… but he didn’t have to tell her for her to know.

“Spread a little light around, sunshine lover

Isn't it true?

I love you, la da da daa.

Spread a little light around,

Sunshine lover.”

Every night, she would curl up next to him and he would sing to her, whether she was having trouble falling asleep or not. Every night, she memorized that melody a little more. Every night, while the harsh winter raged outside their window, she would try to stay awake a little longer so that his voice would never go.

“You are the one who lights up my sun.”

Alyss smiled, because, in her heart, a tiny piece of hope was glittering. She held up her work in front of her… the first of many. The cloth wasn’t highly priced, but her feathers would be.

They were worth nothing to her, but they could be everything she needed.


	6. Childish Hope

Was the torture worth it?

Alyss tried to avoid calling it ‘torture’ to the best of her ability, but it didn’t matter what she called it. A name was just a name, and whatever you called it couldn’t change what it really was. It felt like torture.

 

She finished three blankets, and then decided to go into town and sell them, to pinpoint a price for the rest… then, also to find out if they were even going to sell. If they didn’t… she didn’t know what she would do.

Which, again, begs the question, was it going to be worth it?

There was one way to find out. And, yes, she was scared to find out the truth about whether this feat was even possible, but she was even more afraid to never find out.

Alyss set up camp as close to the town center as she could, so it wasn’t the best spot, but it was the best she could find. She knew she would have to work harder to make herself heard, and the fact that she was a woman wasn’t going to help.

“Blankeeets!” she yelled. This was difficult. Yes, she was great at persuading people one-on-one, but in a crowd? What was she supposed to say? “Buy beautiful, handmade fabric here! Luxurious cloth, made with the finest of feathers- real, fresh crane feathers!” Handmade was a subjective term, in this case, but it sounded prettier.

Minutes passed and no matter what she yelled, nobody gave her a second glance.

An hour passed. All the noise around her was getting under her skin, irritating her subtly and subtly until it drove her crazy, like a bad itch. Every chance she ever thought she had was being whittled down in her mind until it was nearly nonexistent. With every passing minute that everybody gave up on her without knowing it, she could feel her childish hope slipping from her fingers.

It had to be worth it.

All the feathers she tore from her skin; all the blood stained bandages on her body… it had to be worth it. No, not had to. It was going to.

She leaned forward, and turned her full attention directly to a passing strange, not far in front of her table but still not looking at her. Not even acknowledging her. It infuriated her to no end.

“Excuse me, sir? Sir!” The man finally turned to her, vaguely annoyed, when he was sure she was addressing him. Alyss said, “Wouldn’t you like to buy your wife a beautiful blanket with real, clean crane feathers?”

The man glanced down at her wares for a half second. “It’s summer,” he said, “why would I want something warm?”

Alyss’s heart sank… through no fault but her own. She should’ve thought of that. Alyss had always prided herself on being a clever person, and she felt embarrassed for having missed such an important detail… She couldn’t afford to mess up now.

But her attention was stolen, when she looked back at the stranger and saw him delicately running his fingers over the feathers.

For a moment she felt some sense of insult, seeing somebody touch something that used to belong to her. But she relaxed, and told herself not to think like that. He was actually looking.

“But it’s rather nice,” the stranger muttered. And Alyss felt her heart rise with a newfound happiness that didn’t go away, no matter how many times she told herself not to get her hopes up. It was better to expect the least, so then you couldn’t be disappointed… but she just couldn’t help herself.

 

She returned home in the early evening to Will, who was at the moment preparing an animal for dinner. He wasn’t so focused on his work that he couldn’t turn and smile at her when she walked in; he was happy, even though she hadn’t even told him anything yet. How could he do that? “Hello,” he greeted. “Glad you aren’t back too late.”

After she didn’t respond, he was going to ask the question of “did you sell anything?” (because he knew she was weaving; he just didn’t know about the feathers), but, soon enough, the question was answered for him. Alyss approached him without a word, and put her arms around him… She didn’t have to look at where to put her arms, or where to set her head. It was as natural as knowing where your eyes are on your face, or finding the heartbeat in your chest.

She put her arms around him, and the world left them.

“You’re smiling,” Will whispered. “Does that mean what I want it to? Did it go well?”

Alyss closed her eyes; she smiled wider, and squeezed him tighter. He always asked so many questions at once.

That night, she had sold all three blankets and made more money for them than they normally got in a week.

“Yes,” she whispered back. “It means I’m going to save you.”

 

From then on, Alyss weaved clothes and rugs instead of blankets. They were even more popular than the blankets, and people loved them. The price was higher than even an expensive shirt would’ve costed. It was because of the feathers. They were the only reason this was working.

Alyss got comments more often than not on the quality of them; the word quickly spread and people flocked to buy her wares. Soon there wasn’t just a need for more… there was a demand.

This could happen.

Sometimes she left the window open while she was working. Alyss enjoyed the warm breeze blowing in, even though it disrupted the pile of loose feathers. Day in and day out, she was locked in there, weaving until her hands were bleeding and then some… She needed some connection to the world outside, even if it was just an open window.

Days passed. The wind picked up again one day, cooler than usual. Out of the corner of her eye, Alyss spotted something slipping in the window… She stopped her work for just a moment, long enough to glance over and wonder what it was.

It can’t be fall already, she thought. She stared, speechless, at the lone leaf on her floor. It was deep red, spotted black on the left corner like it was a growing infection. One look outside showed her that most of the leaves were still green, but one look down again told her they wouldn’t be for long.

A sudden knock on her door snapped her out of her thoughts, and made her jump in her skin. “Alyss?” Will said, from outside.

“Don’t come in,” she said.

“I won’t. I promised, right? …Come outside with me. I’ve done all I need to do for today, and you’ve been working overtime for forever.”

“There is no such thing as overtime because there never was a time,” Alyss replied. She smiled, making sure it was more of a joke than it was serious, until she remembered that there was a door in between them.

Will paused, then continued, “Take a break. I’m sure you’ll feel better afterwards.” Another pause. “I miss you.”

That, she couldn’t argue with… nor did she want to.

 

Will had asked Alyss before why her arms were covered like they were bleeding. She could avoid the question as well as a shadow avoided the light, but it didn’t fool him. It didn’t make him any less worried. But when he finally had her trapped in a corner and he forced her to answer him, she told him harshly that he was wasting his time, because she would never tell. Then she walked away, and they didn’t talk again until early that night.

That was yesterday. He hadn’t brought it up since then, and he wasn’t going to now. Not yet.

Her hands were bandaged, too, but he held them anyway.

“Did you notice the leaves on the ground?” Alyss asked him, walking with him in the forest. With a wider view, now, she could see that that lone leaf that had floated in her window wasn’t the only one turning colors.

He smiled. “Yeah, I did… I can’t believe fall is almost here. It feels like it’s been so long, but at the same time it doesn’t feel like it at all. Isn’t that strange?”

“It is, but I understand it, I think.” Will didn’t ask what exactly she understood about it, because secretly he understood it too, and he didn’t want to think about it. Much less say it out loud…

It was because they were so close that it felt like they had been in each other’s lives forever. At the same time, it didn’t feel like any time had passed because the more time passed, the more they didn’t want it to, and the closer they got to…

Neither said anything.

Will wouldn’t let this mood settle.

“You know, as soon as more leaves fall, I’m going to build a giant leaf pile and jump in,” he said. “I do it every year.”

Alyss smirked slightly. “Every year? You were a lonely person.”

Will laughed and replied, “I was. But now I have you. And whether you like it or not, you’re jumping in leaf piles with me.”

“They’ll get in my hair.”

“I’ll pick you up and throw you in, then, if you don’t do it.”

“Can you even pick me up?”

Will scoffed. Surely he had picked her up before, at least once. He wasn’t the strongest man in the country but he was fit, and knew he could pick up heavy animals to take home. Besides, Alyss looked light. “I can, want me to show you?” he asked.

He and Alyss stopped walking at once; she held out her arms to him. “Yes, please do,” she said, still holding that small smirk on her face. “Don’t cheat, either- pick me up bridal style.”

“Will do, milady.” Will bent down, placed his arm behind her knees, and, with relative ease, lifted her up into her arms. She gasped, clearly not prepared despite all the talk before, and hugged his neck. “Ha!” he exclaimed. “Told you.”

Alyss laughed, but Will could hear a hint of fear still in her voice. “Y-You win,” she said.

“Don’t worry,” he said. She didn’t have to tell him what she was worried about for him to know. “I won’t drop you.”

“You better not.” Alyss loosened her grip around him, but leaned in closer staring until their noses almost touched.

“I swear upon my life I will not drop you,” Will said. “I would hold my hand against my heart and swear it, but then I’d drop you and I’d have to die.”

“Smart of you.”

Will chuckled, then commenced walking, still holding Alyss firmly in his arms. They talked about everything and anything, and Alyss laid his head on his chest to hear his heartbeat better. She closed her eyes, and thought about her first question: Was it worth it?

Yes, it was.

Will didn’t drop her until many conversations later, when she wanted to get down. Then he couldn’t wait until more leaves fell, so he could hold her again.


	7. Pecan Pie

It was finally cold enough to have a fire.

And, just like the winter before, Will spent his nights sitting beside Sable, falling asleep; holding Alyss. And, just like that winter when they first met, Alyss kept her eyes open for as long as possible so the feeling of him next to her didn’t have to go away.

Alyss hid her face away from the heat, burying it instead in the bare skin by Will’s neck. He reached over, took her hand in his, and rubbed his thumb across the bandages that now covered more than half of her body.

“Why?” he whispered.

“I can’t tell you,” she whispered back.

“Alyss…”

“You promised.” She paused, letting the silence sink in before she tried to explain herself again. That was clearly a manipulation tactic, and she didn’t want to win like that. Maybe if he knew what was going on…

No, that was not an option. If he knew, it wouldn’t change anything. It would just make him more determined to stop her.

“Please trust me,” she said. “It’s temporary.”

“How temporary?”

“Trust me, Will.”

More silence. As much as he wanted to force her to stop, he knew he could never do that. She would find a way to get out of it- Alyss was clever, as clever as him or more. And, more importantly… Will wasn’t like that. He prided himself on letting her be independent. Alyss could survive on her own, and Will wanted her to be able to. But did that mean he had to let her hurt herself, if the only alternative was forcing her into something? She claimed it was for the best. Maybe it was; what did he know? What else could he do but take the longer route and persuade her with words?

Alyss tried to mask the pain, but she underestimated how clearly he could see through her… and she overestimated just how transparent he was.

“I love you,” was all he said.

“I love you too.”

He hoped she knew that was code for “please stop hurting yourself”. …She did.

Will remembered a song he hadn’t sang in a while. He was so enchanted with Alyss’s singing that he would rather listen to her than anything else. He sang it to his best friend, once, that winter… when all Will could do was sit with her and hope she was getting better. Right now, while the world outside burst into vibrant colors and died, he sat with the bleeding love of his life; all Will could do was hold her until she got better.

It hurt.

And he sang:

“Sunshine lady,

Color of sunshine in your hair.

Happiness is the gown you wear.

I would follow you anywhere,

My sunshine lady.

Spread a little light around, sunshine lady.

Isn't it true?

I love you, la da da daa.”

Alyss smiled, finally closing her eyes. Will could feel the gentle tickle of her eyelashes against his skin. He could feel everything. He could feel her body growing warmer, even when the fire didn’t change.

“Spread a little light around,

Sunshine lady.

You are the one who lights up the sun.”

They fell asleep.

 

Despite all the secrets Alyss was keeping from Will (for his own good, of course), things were starting to look a little less bleak.

Will had said just a day earlier, “I’m feeling a lot better, you know, so don’t be so stressed about it. You never know… maybe it’s not that serious.”

While Alyss disagreed with that last part- this was definitely serious- she had to admit that on some level he was right. He had been sleeping better lately, and he seemed to be in less pain during the day or at night. Maybe he was getting better. She prayed so.

They went into town for half the time they spent together outside of the cabin, and spent the other half alone in the forest. On this particular day, they were strolling through the market, holding hands, and keeping their eyes out for anything that looked good.

It was surely autumn.

The trees were all orange, yellow and red now. The leaves were falling, turning the bland, brown ground pretty colors that made pretty crunching noises under their feet. One more season, and Alyss and Will would be together for a year. Well, Will didn’t know that… but, somehow, Alyss felt like he did. The way they felt around each other made time seem completely ridiculous.

Will was doing so much better than he was in the summer. Maybe the colors in the trees gave him a sense of balance, or calmness… which was ironic, because autumn was all about things falling, or dying. They were dying… but they did it beautifully.

“Feeling alright?” Alyss asked, when it had been too silent for too long.

Will squeezed her hand. “I feel great,” he said. Just those simple words made Alyss smiled; she bent her head down to touch his shoulder, like she was leaning on him. They were walking, though, so it was hard.

Part of her was worried that some person who bought her cloth would recognize her, and the secret would get out. But the other part was smart enough to know that that sounded a little too far-fetched.

“Let’s get something today,” Will said. “Just a snack or something… treat ourselves.”

“Sounds good.” They usually didn’t buy anything. They had to save up every last penny… but one small thing couldn’t hurt.

“I saw a good-looking table the other day,” Alyss said. “I hope it’s back today.”

“I’d think so… What’d they have?”

“Pie,” she answered. “I don’t know if it was the whole pie or just a piece, but I know they had several flavors and it looked really, really good.”

Suddenly, Will grinned. “I actually noticed that, too.”

Alyss looked sideways at him. “Really?” she asked.

“Yeah,” said Will. “I was gonna bring it up, but the line was too long…”

Alyss’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “I was thinking the exact same thing,” she said.

Will laughed. “That’s so weird… Well, we have to find it now! Wasn’t it over there?” He pointed ahead of them, on the right side (Alyss’s side). “Or just around that corner.”

“I think so! Let’s go before they run out.” Then they were running, still holding hands, to where they remembered the pie table was.

Fifteen seconds ago, Will and Alyss were letting themselves be bothered by a strange, unexplainable, and rather out of place melancholic moment (the last few days had consisted of mostly happy conversations)… The moment wouldn’t leave them. They were trapped, and they didn’t know why. But within fifteen seconds they were laughing again. And that’s why they ran. Not because they might miss their chance to get some pie… but because, when they ran, the shackles that weighed them down broke.

Just like they had speculated, the table serving pie was just around the corner. Will and Alyss talked a lot over what flavor they would get. They had their choice of apple, berry, and pecan pie. Alyss liked apple best, but Will preferred berry, so there was a little bit of conflict there… Of course, it wasn’t an outright argument. It was dramatic, but purposely so.

“Only idiots like berry pie,” Alyss scoffed. They ignored the brief glances other people were giving them.

“Really?” Will asked, with an inquisitive eyebrow raise. “And what grounds do you base that on?”

“Because they don’t like apple pie.”

Will laughed. “No, Alyss… that just means they’re smart.”

“What is that supposed to mean?!”

Will paused, before leaning in to her. He put his lips close to her ear, waited yet another moment for effect… then whispered, “Apple pie is disgusting.”

“TAKE THAT BACK!” she cried.

“I WON’T!” In reality, Will liked apple pie.

Alyss crossed her arms, and rolled her eyes before she closed them. “We’ll have to break up, then.”

Will let out a short, half second laugh, then choked it back because the idea of them breaking up- for any reason- was just so funny. “Really?” he asked. “You feel that way?”

“Yes.”

Will opened his mouth, and took in a deep breath for a long rant about why berry pie was clearly the best pie and subsequently how she shouldn't break up with him just because she was in denial. Alyss enjoyed it too much to stay in character- she smiled the whole way though, even when she retaliated with an equally hurtful insult to Will’s beloved berry pie.

But, unbeknownst to them, somebody was also listening. He was watching from a safe distance, outside his office, leaning against the building; analyzing the situation… He wondered what he should do. He was not smiling yet.

Alyss and Will finally settled on buying a pecan pie, because they both liked it, and it seemed like an appropriate solution to their disagreement.

The table wasn’t selling slices, but full pies, which was what they wanted anyway. It was a big treat, but a well-deserved one.

“We’ll have this for dessert tonight,” Alyss said. Will was carrying it; she leaned down to take a whiff of the top. “It smells great.” She paused, thinking before adding, “Not as great as an apple pie, but…” Will snorted.

“Nice to see you again.” That voice wasn’t Will’s. No, she recognized it… The familiarity of it crept into her consciousness the way a snake slithers into a flower bed, unnoticed at first. Then somebody spots it, screams, and the bed is ruined. Just like that. In a mere second.

Alyss didn’t see the snake until she turned around and met its eyes.

“Doctor…” she whispered. She felt like somebody had just punched her in the gut. Will, on the other side of her, was confused, but he gathered from the context exactly what the situation was: that this was the doctor Alyss had spoken to about Will’s medication.

“Good afternoon,” the doctor said.

“Good afternoon.” Alyss composed herself quickly.

“How’s your husband doing? Is this him?”

Alyss nodded. “It is,” she said. “And he’s actually doing much better since the last time I asked you to save his life and you turned me down.” She hadn’t intended for that to be so salty… but she didn’t regret a single word of it.

The doctor took it well. If anything, it amused him, and Alyss wanted to hit him for that. “I heard you’re making some good money in the market,” he said.

“I am. Enough to pay you someday.” Suddenly, she got an idea. Alyss didn’t take time to think through it like she usually would, but as soon as she got it she spoke her mind: “Is there any chance, doctor… that you could treat my husband, and I can pay you what I have now and give you back the rest later?” Alyss gave Will a half glance, but it was very brief. It was only because she felt like it was polite to acknowledge his presence if she was going to talk about him.

The doctor pushed his eyebrows together. “After the way you just spoke to me?” he asked.

Dammit. Alyss knew she wasn’t always that impulsive, but when she was, it never worked out.

“Alyss…” Will began, but Alyss accidentally cut him off.

“I’m sorry,” Alyss said, to the doctor. “I didn’t mean anything personal- I’m just worried about him…”

“You said he was doing better.”

“Yes, but-!”

“Alyss!” Will exclaimed, urgency clear in his voice. Finally, Alyss turned back to where Will was bent over sideways, holding the pie out to her. His jaw muscles were clenched like if he loosened them he might explode.

Alyss didn’t know what was going on, but she took the pie from his hands anyway. Will turned away from them both, and then started coughing so hard it brought him to his knees.

This particular fit was probably his longest yet. He covered his mouth, making sure not to get any blood on the people around him. The crowd treated him like a rock in the middle of a river; they swerved around him.

'He was doing so well… Why…' Alyss was just staring. Just staring. So many feelings were going wild inside her, running in strange directions like a scared tornado. 'He said… He told me he was getting better, but this looks like the worst he’s ever been…' she thought. Pain, confusion, distress, desolation, depression… she couldn’t make sense of anything. 'His hands, they’re…' Blood was dripping from the cracks between his fingers.

“Better?” the doctor asked, similar to what she was thinking. “People with a disease like that don’t get better… ever. He’s played… no, you both have played yourselves for fools. Judging by the state he’s in right now, I’d say he has maybe… hm…” The doctor purposely took a long time to think. Alyss couldn’t be on the edge of her seat, because that tornado was still raging through her mind and she didn’t feel anything anymore. She was completely numb. Everything that had given her the slightest glimpse of hope for the past month was flashing before her eyes and leaving her a billion times faster than it had come, and she didn’t know what to do. She felt so… so…

“A month, or two, at most,” the doctor said. “Keep weaving, my lady.” Then he walked away without another word.

Helpless.

Even if Alyss had gone after him, she couldn’t have said anything that would change his mind, or make everything better. It was all starting to look clearer, now. But when the dust settled, all that was left was everything she didn’t want to feel. The tornado was gone, but it had left her in the desert with nothing but the strong, empty, overwhelming urge to cry. And she did.


	8. New World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter is nsfw. It's not all too graphic, but just a heads up. Skip everything but the very beginning if you don't want to read it- you'll know when it changes gears.

Alyss and Will got home with nothing to say. Will opened the door for her first, like he always did, and Alyss felt bad for not saying “thank you” like she always did, but the words had been knocked out of her like the air in her lungs. She couldn’t stop remembering the doctor’s words…

(Flashback) “Judging by the state he’s in now, I’d say he has about… a month, or two, at least.” (End)

A month or two…

A month to live with the person she’d planned on being with for a lifetime…

It’s because she had gotten comfortable. Will’s condition had improved, so, hoping that this was a miracle, she let herself relax. She didn’t push herself like it was the end of the world. But he wasn’t getting better at all. He was worse than he was in the summer.

(Flashback) “He’s played… no, you both have played yourselves for fools.” (End)

But that’s it, she realized.

Alyss turned to him, as Will hung up his coat, and said, “You lied… so that I would stop weaving as often.” He stopped moving. “Didn’t you?”

After a moment of hesitation, that Alyss could only guess he spent deciding whether to tell her the truth or not, he nodded. “Yes,” he said. Will turned around and faced her. “I couldn’t just let you hurt yourself like that,” he said. “I couldn’t force you to stop, and I couldn’t break my promise and ask why… You’re so stubborn, I knew you wouldn’t be convinced otherwise by words. I… I had to.”

“I’m not angry. Well, not for lying… You had to, just like I have to do what I’m doing,” Alyss said, stepping forward and taking her hands in his. “It’s not like I enjoy doing it. But if it’s to save you, I’ll do anything. I’d… I’d give my life.”

“And I’d give mine,” Will replied. He pulled her into a hug. Despite the depression that hung in the air like a bad smell, and despite the disease that was destroying him from the inside out, Will’s body was still warm. “That’s what I was prepared to do,” he whispered.

Alyss closed her eyes. “So we were both lying to each other to save each other,” she said. Alyss chuckled, although she didn’t feel all that happy. “How great are we?”  
Will laughed, too.

A tear from Alyss’s face fell onto Will’s shoulder, followed by another, staining part of Will’s white shirt a darker color. He always looked so good in that shirt. Strong. Now the sides of his tightest shirt were getting loose. Whenever Alyss put her arms around him, whether if she was in a good mood or not, she could never help but notice how thin he was getting…

“Don’t cry,” he whispered. It only made her cry harder. “Don’t cry, please,” he repeated, but it had the opposite effect. When he pushed her away an inch and made her look at him, she saw that he was crying himself. “W-We know the truth, now,” he said, “and that shouldn’t make us sad.”

“How do you figure that?” she quietly asked. “Now I know you’re dying.” She was scared. So scared. Every minute she knew she was losing Will, a piece of her world crumbled and broke off.

Will pulled her in close again, but this time it wasn’t into a hug. It was into the tightest embrace of all: a kiss. The kiss could’ve lasted for minutes and Alyss would have still wanted more… she wanted to kiss him until her body stopped shaking and she wasn’t scared anymore.

When he pulled away, he touched their foreheads together and kept them together at the same distance.

“If we’re doing all we can, we have no reason to be scared,” he whispered. “We’re together. We’re spending the time I have left together. I remember that night, when I told you I wasn’t scared to die, and then I stopped lying and I told you that I was… I wanted to be completely honest with you. Now it’s your turn. I promise to not ask about what you’re doing… but I need to know how much it hurts. You know how much I’m hurting, so what’s holding you back?”

Alyss decided to treat that like it was a question… so she answered, “The thought… that I might fail you. I, I want to be strong… for you…”

Will tilted their heads up, and stared into her eyes like they were the only fixed point in the universe. He told her, “The only way you could fail me was if you stopped being with me, right now.”

Alyss leaned in again, hardly breaking the light contact between their foreheads before pressing her lips to his, again. They had kissed a million times, but it blew her mind every time. How soft his lips were. How warm he made her, not just physically, but how she somehow felt warm, giddy, peaceful, and a ton of other things all at once.

“I love you,” she said, quickly, and then went back to kissing him.

“I love you, too.”

Then everything that Will was trying to tell her became crystal clear…

If she spent every moment with him like this, there was nothing left for her to regret.

Alyss spared herself one second to break the kiss. The disappointment was clear on Will’s face. Then she whispered, so quietly she could barely hear herself, “Let me get closer.”

It was physically impossible for them to get closer at this point… But Will knew what she meant. It was everything both of them had always wanted, but up until this point, had never needed. If there was ever a perfect moment for this, it was now. There was no official agreement about where this was going, but every move they made smoothly fed into it, like it was the most natural thing they’d ever done.

 

For a short time, Alyss still wondered if this was going too far. She worried that it would be awkward, and it was, at first…

Will finally got a good look at her when they were under the covers. Alyss was under him, completely exposed. She had never showed herself to anyone before… and not just because she had been a crane for most of her life. Alyss never got nervous at the idea of doing this with Will, but now, looking at him looking at her, she remembered all of the cuts and scratches where she had torn out her feathers, and realized just how undesirable she must look…

“Sorry,” she mumbled, averting her eyes away from his face.

But Will just smiled. He bent down, setting one hand on the side of her stomach and pressed his lips to one of her many scars. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered. His lips floated close to her skin like a low hanging fog, and Alyss could feel every slight moment they made. He continued kissing her, up her collarbone, up her neck… He didn’t get to see the reaction on her face, but he knew she was smiling, because she wrapped her arms around his bare back and brought their bodies together. It felt incredible, not just in a sexually pleasuring way. The way he felt against her sent shivers up and down her spine… He was just, so…

Alyss moaned, unable to bite it back anymore.

But the moment was shattered. All of a sudden, Will shot up out of bed like a rocket. Alyss didn’t have a chance to be confused before he turned away from her and exploded into another coughing fit.

For a minute, all that anticipation and fear that Alyss was holding for the night vanished. Alyss sat up.

“Will…” she said.

Will gripped one of the bed sheets and lifted it up to his mouth to catch all the blood. He didn’t want to get any of it on his hands before he did this.

“I’m fine,” he said, pushing that sheet off the bed. He was sure he wouldn’t need it again.

“Are you strong enough to do this?” Alyss asked. She put one hand on his chest.

Will wasn’t hiding it anymore. His breathing was rough. Sweat was collecting on his forehead. And his body used to be bigger… He was getting so thin that he almost looked like a different person, and it made her stomach turn. He was weak…

“For this?” he replied. Will smiled, and even Alyss, through all her concern, could see when he was lying, and when he was telling the truth. “Yes,” he said. “And I’m not lying this time.”

“…Switch places with me.”

Will sat down, so he wouldn’t wear himself out, and Alyss swung her legs on either side of his hips. She could feel his eyes looking her up and down, but she wasn’t shy anymore. If he could look at her like that, then she had nothing to be ashamed of.

 

It was like they were one mind… one body.

Everything he did was magical. When he slowly brought his hand up between her thighs and it made her shake… He whispered to her “I love you” and she knew that would be all she heard for hours.

Will put her hands on his hips and them closer to his head, so he could kiss down her lower half and feel all of her because every inch of her was so perfect…

Alyss couldn’t let herself take everything and not give, even though Will wanted to give everything he had. She spent just as much time focusing on him as he did her. Alyss put her hands all over him, making him smile and groan through his teeth, until those things didn’t seem awkward anymore.

It was all a blur that both of them felt every moment of.

An unmeasurable amount of time passed, just filled with kissing and touching that could’ve lasted the entire night. Their bodies intertwined like they were one person. But finally, they agreed that they were ready to go all the way, and the pain Alyss had anticipated hit her like a truck.

She tried to relax as much as she could, but God, it hurt. And it showed on her face, because she was done with trying to act fine when she was in pain.

“I’m sorry,” Will whispered.

“Don’t be,” Alyss replied. She smiled.

She brought their lips together again. She told him it was okay, because if it hurt then it meant it was real. If it wasn’t real, then Alyss didn’t want it; but she had never been surer about anything than about that. This was real, and Will was real.

So she stayed still for a minute and let herself adjust.

The discomfort was tough at first, but everything else after that made up for it a thousand times over. Every description she had heard of what the pleasure would feel like was downplaying it. Suddenly, everything in their future and in their past was all irrelevant. If it led up to this, she thought…

She opened her eyes, slowing the movement of her hips for just a moment, and saw Will staring back at her. She wondered, was he feeling it too?

Before she leaned in to kiss him again, he was already bringing her closer. Yes, he told her, silently. I feel it too.

The pace sped up again. Alyss moved her hips faster back and forth and Will moved so perfectly in sync with her.

Alyss closed her eyes. She couldn’t think anymore. The wave of pleasure overtook them completely, and they let it.


	9. It's Not Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this came very late compared to my other chapters, but I'm totally back now after that short hiatus and ready for action. Hope you like this chapter :)

Alyss couldn’t remember closing her eyes, or even crossing that thin line between sleep and reality. All she knew was the feeling of Will’s skin against her own until she drifted into unconsciousness as smoothly as a snowflake slowly falling from the sky. Part of her expected to have dreams, but she didn’t. Her reality was already better than any dream she could have.

But she woke up too early, when the light was just creeping in their window, and Will’s chest still moved up and down roughly. She woke up with one thing on her mind:

“I can’t lose this.”

Alyss didn’t lift her head off of Will’s chest. It was comfortable there. She was happy, and it was too early to be pulled down again off her pedestal. Think of last night, she told herself. Her heart lit up like a firefly, and for a moment she was high off of that feeling… Then she came down and she thought:

“I can’t lose that.”

And the sunrise outside her window lost its color again. What Will said the night before, she agreed, was true: that if he was going to go, they should do everything they can with each other so they’d have nothing to regret.

But why did he have to go? Alyss didn’t want to save them; that was just the simplified version of what she really aimed to do. It was so much more complicated than that.

She wanted to save Will. When faced with the choice of making their relationship last forever or saving Will… in a heartbeat, she would give everything they ever had to keep Will alive.

That morning, as the sun rose outside their window, Alyss’s mind entered a new age. She was going to do anything to save him. Anything meant anything… even giving up what she wanted second most in the world right now, to lie in bed with him all day like there wasn’t a world outside their room to worry about.

As quietly as possible, Alyss lifted the covers off herself and slid out of bed. Will was sleeping heavily, so it wasn’t that difficult.

She was almost to the door when she heard Will rolling around in bed where her back was turned. Guiltily, she began to turn her head to face him, but he wasn’t awake yet. He had just rolled over, and was hugging the air where she had been.

How her body ached to be there again...

 

Of course, Alyss wasn’t going to completely abandon him. What good would it do him if he lived having no memories of her? Alyss didn’t regret the night before one bit; their relationship just wasn’t the first priority. It was Will. It was always Will.

If she chose to live out the rest of his days making as many memories as possible with him, that was giving up on him. That was saying there was nothing more she could do to save him and they might as well make the most of it, but there was something she could do. Alyss always lived by the moral that you can accomplish anything if you’re willing to do anything. And she was more than willing, she was committed.

Alyss entered the weaving room and sat down on the bench. She didn’t think before she pulled out the last dress she was working on and morphed her arm into its alternate form. Most of her feathers were gone, but that didn’t go through her head at all when she ripped one from her skin. And another.

I won’t give him up yet, she thought. Not ever.

 

It wasn’t being weak when she gave herself for another, she told herself. Alyss was so afraid to be weak, but this was the strongest she could be. Strong enough to look death straight in the eye.

The sun came up; rose and floated up off the horizon and sunlight weaved its way through the forest like the white feathers through the fabric. The forest swelled with life. Even the fallen red and yellow leaves hovered up off the ground when the light caught them. It was autumn, and the world glowed like it was spring... It reminded her of Will’s eyes when he smiled.

Will’s breath rose and fell with the breeze outside. In a room across the house, Alyss’s fingers flew so fast she couldn’t see them. She worked tirelessly from the moment she sat down at the bench to the early noon.

I won’t give up on him, she thought, tearing another feather out. Even if I can’t save myself.

In saying that, she knew some part of her was giving up on the idea that they would be together for the rest of their lives. There was a possibility Alyss would live through this, and they could continue on with both of their lives, but if she aimed for that ending she might fall short of saving Will. Nor was she looking to kill herself… she was simply determined to save the love of her life. It was that simple now. Whatever that took, she would give.

The idea of living after she let Will die… the idea made her hands shake and her stomach turn...

“Sunshine lover,

Color of beauty in your hair.

Happiness is the gown you wear.

I would follow you anywhere,

My sunshine lover,” she sang. Her voice was so quiet, the wind blowing in from her open window carried it away before the words reached her ears.

Even if he died happy, it wasn’t enough.

It’s not enough.

“It’s not enough,” she whispered. Alyss closed her eyes for a second, and pushed out some tears that had been waiting on her eyelashes to drop. She hadn’t even noticed them before until they rolled down her pale cheeks. “It would never be enough for me to know you died happily. Not if I can prevent it. I-I love you too much…”

The door swung open, and Alyss’s heart that was already in her throat jumped.


	10. A Thousand Seasons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha, we're nearing the end, aren't we...?

Even if he died happy, it wasn’t enough.

It’s not enough.

“It’s not enough,” she whispered. Alyss closed her eyes for a second, and pushed out some tears that had been waiting on her eyelashes to drop. She hadn’t even noticed them before until they rolled down her pale cheeks. “It would never be enough for me to know you died happily. Not if I can prevent it. I-I love you too much…”

The door swung open, and Alyss’s heart that was already in her throat jumped.

 

It took about two seconds for Will, after opening his eyes, to realize that Alyss wasn’t in his arms anymore. It looked like it was about noon, or close to it, so he understood if she had woken up before him… What he didn’t understand is why she left.

He thought… or, at least, he had really hoped that after last night she would stay with him until he woke up… Maybe they didn’t even have to get up after that. He wanted to spend the rest of that day just laying with her, talking, kissing, and cuddling… blissfully, like nothing was wrong. But that wasn’t the case, and it broke his heart that it wasn’t. Where had that innocence gone? Left him, just like the leaves on the trees… like the days rushing past them.

No matter how warm the sun made his room, Will was still colder than he was the night before.

After several minutes had passed, he decided Alyss wasn’t coming back and if he wanted to see her he should get up.

But when he walked out of his room, nobody was in the kitchen. Nothing was even cooking… so why had she gotten up so early?

As tired as Will was, he was still awake enough to answer his own question moments after he thought it. His head turned towards the door… that one door that never opened.

And suddenly he was irritated as much as he was depressed. 'How long have you been weaving this morning?' Will thought, like he was asking Alyss in person. 'You got out of bed and went right back to hurting yourself…'

Will remembered his promise not to look at what she was doing, but that wasn’t enough to hold him back anymore. He had spent the past few months assuming that his ignorance of the situation was for the best, but how could it possibly be for the best?

He tore the door open and got the reaction he was expecting. Alyss looked betrayed. He had to ignore the pang of guilt he felt when he saw her aghast, tear streaked face.

“W-Will,” she gasped. Will’s eyes flickered down to her hands, and Alyss noticed seconds too late that there were still small patches of feathers on her arms. There was no way Will didn’t notice them.

“W-Why…” she whispered, voice unsteady. Will’s mouth was open, but he wasn’t saying anything. This was everything she had been afraid of… “Why? You promised. Don’t…” She laid one hand over the still-sensitive bare spots of her arm. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t even know what she was apologizing for.

“Alyss…” Will took several steps forward, stopping at her bench and then bending down on one knee. He stroked one of her feathers so gently as if he were touching the wing of a butterfly. They were as white as snow, and softer… Will recognized them, even on their different form. “You’re Miracle,” he said. It wasn’t a question, because he already knew.

Alyss nodded. At this point, what could she deny? “After that winter, I didn’t want to be with you as a crane…” she whispered. “I wanted to love you as a girl. That way… maybe you’d love me as a girl. B-But, I couldn’t tell you before because…” tears were climbing to the edges of her eyes again as she pressed on, “maybe you would think of me differently. L-Love me differently…”

“Why would I love you differently?” Will looked up into her eyes. “You’re still my beautiful Alyss,” he said.

Will stood up, and cupped her face with one hand. He brought their lips together and kissed her like he was telling her he loved her through the kiss. The words “my beautiful Alyss” echoed in her head and grew louder with every time; every one brought her a little closer to heaven. There was a weight as heavy as a boulder sliding off her shoulders.

But Will broke away, just as Alyss was wishing that he never would.

“Stop,” he mumbled. He moved his other hand to her bare shoulder, where only two feathers were left out of the dozens she had before. “Stop taking your Miracle out.” Of course, that was the other part of why Alyss never told Will about who she was; the recent reason. She knew he would try to stop her. That was why half of her was relieved, but it wasn’t the biggest half.

“I wouldn’t get as much money from the cloth if my feathers weren’t in there. That’s the only reason why they’re selling, and it’s the only reason why you even have a chance…” Alyss hoped she could appeal to his reason if she couldn’t sway his heart.

“But what happened to doing everything we wanted to do so we had nothing to regret?” he asked. “Why didn’t you stay with me this morning?”

Alyss smiled lightly. Her lips were happy, but her eyes were doleful. “Because I love you…” she answered. “And loving you means giving up us… for you. I’ll save you, Will… because I want to save you.”

Will started slowly shaking his head. He knew exactly what she meant; she could see it in his face. But he didn’t want to accept it, or understand what she meant. “No…” he said, tears clouding his voice. “N-No, I… I don’t care if I live if I get to-”

“But I do. You’d do the same if it were me,” Alyss said. “So you understand why I have to do it for you.” This time she was the one cupping his face in his hands, and bringing their lips together. This kiss was more involved; it was overflowing with emotion… Their mouths were parted open, and even when Will had said “no” and refused to accept anything earlier, he still put his arms around her waist and made her stand up so their bodies could push together; blend together until they forgot where Alyss ended and Will started.

“I can’t let you,” he said. Will went right back to kissing her, then paused to talk again. “I love you too much.”

“I know you can’t let me,” Alyss said, softly in his ear. “I’m not asking you to let me.”

He was silent for a brief second. “T-Then let me do one thing…”

“What?”

Will broke away from the kiss completely, and let go of her body. Immediately Alyss was hurting from the separation. She wondered how she could bear it if that separation lasted forever, when she couldn’t even handle it for a moment.

But she had to push those thoughts to the back of her mind to focus on what was happening next. Will let her go, only to kneel on the floor in front of her. He held her cold hand and turned it warm again.

“Alyss…” he said, “I think I should’ve done this two seasons ago. God knows I’ve wanted to… and if I never do it, I’ll regret it forever.” He paused, trying to find the right words. He couldn’t tell her everything he felt as well as he could express it, or make her feel it. “I love you, so much… more than anything in the world; more than the world itself because you are my world.. and if I have you, then I don’t need anything else.” He kissed her hand, as passionately as he kissed her lips. When he came up, he looked into her eyes, where her tears mirrored his own, and whispered the words Alyss had waited forever to hear: “Will you please marry me?”

Will’s words hit her with the force of a tidal wave… her heart skipped several beats, and froze. Then what came next was the flood. She didn’t have to say yes for her to feel it. Her whole body was crying her answer loudly enough for Will to hear it. “W-Will…” she whispered, voice cracking, “o-oh my god, yes…”

Alyss bent down, onto one knee, like him, and pulled him to her with the hands that were clutching the back of his shirt. She gripped it so hard she could’ve torn the fabric apart. Their lips crashed together like the ocean waves crashing against a rock, but the impact never really left after the waves went back out to sea. They just came back again. “Will, yes,” she cried, softly. “Yes, yes, yes.”

Will was so happy he could die… and he really was. He was wrong, before, if he thought that last night was the happiest he would ever feel. ...And he was sure he was wrong, now, if he thought this was the happiest he would ever be. "Thank you," he sobbed.

A thousand days; a thousand seasons later, she was still saying yes.


	11. Our Eternity

Alyss and Will couldn’t afford to spend one penny on an official wedding. Will tried to talk Alyss into it, but she wouldn’t give up any of the money that was going to Will’s treatment… It was okay, though, because neither of them needed an official, legal marriage to feel like they were husband and wife. Will had to admit, he was a little disappointed, but all of that disappointment left him as soon as they started setting up for the ceremony. Nobody else was coming to the wedding; the ceremony was for them.

Will told Alyss he was going to make Sable his best man, and Alyss laughed and argued that Sable was a girl, so she should be her maid of honor. The two discussed way too seriously, in way too much detail what role Sable could play in their wedding: a maid of honor, a best man, a flower girl (a flower dog), or a guest… and, finally, Sable became their unordained minister. They weren’t getting legally married, so why did their minister have to be human?

“Never thought I’d be getting married by a dog,” Will joked. He was helping Alyss role a few small logs out in front of the place where they decided they would exchange vows when they discussed it. There were no guests coming, but the venue felt empty without some seats there. “Thought I’d be getting married to my dog, if anything…” Alyss rolled her eyes and slapped his cheek- but it was so weak it just felt like she was briefly cupping his face with her hand. The place where her hand had touched him grew a fair shade of pink, but it was a blush. Will grinned.

Alyss suggested at one point, as part of a joke, that they invite the doctor who’d turned down Will’s medication. “How awkward would that be?” Will replied.

“Not so much awkward… More like… a huge middle finger to him and his stupid medication,” Alyss said. They laughed about it like a joke, but then realized they should stop talking about it quickly before they got serious and accidentally convinced themselves to invite him.

Will had never been so happy.

Because he was so weak, Alyss did most of the heavy duty work and Will tried not to complain about it too much. Finding a good place to hold it was one of the hardest parts… Alyss had to clear out all the big branches and make a clean place for them to stand. It would ruin the mood if she tripped over a rock in the middle of her walk down the aisle.

She chose the spot she did because two two trees had grown together in mid-air, making an arch. Their branches reached out to one another and wound together, twisting around each other in the middle to make a branch twice as thick. One tree even had some flowers still growing on its bark and up the branch that met with the other tree. Will insisted that was the “Alyss tree”, while Alyss saw it as the other way around.

The duller parts without flowers, Will decorated with any he could find that hadn’t fallen under the spell of the quickly approaching winter. He could already feel the chill in the air… the same chill he felt a year before as winter was just upon him.

Alyss seemed like she had the strength of Will back when Will wasn’t sick. Everything that he had been able to do, she worked on until she could do just as easily. It was inspirational. Sometimes Will took a break from something, like clearing out the ground or making her a bouquet or writing his speech, and just watched her. She moved with such enthusiasm. She moved as if she were dancing and the forest was her stage; the trees were her audience. Will would love to draw that.

He smiled. Will was sitting down on one of the guests’ logs, legs crossed so he could support his speech he was working on, when he saw it again. The way she danced, like the sunlight glittering on her blonde hair.

He looked back down at his paper, and pressed his pen to the surface lightly. If he pressed too hard it could cut through. Alyss glanced over at him, just when he looked away. She didn’t plan on staring for too long, but Will felt her gaze quickly and looked back up; this time they were both paying attention, and their eyes met. They smiled, and went back to their activities without a word. Their smiles said “I love you” in a way where they both got the message.

 

It took her and Will a day and a half to set up the ceremony, and another half for Alyss to cook everything she wanted. There was a pie (a pecan pie), bread, salad, ham for the main course, and one or two other sides. Will told her several times that she was cooking too much for two people, especially with Will’s appetite whittled down to the bare minimum. Alyss wouldn’t listen. Will didn’t think she would, but it was worth a try.

They fell asleep next to each other that night smiling. They had worked hard, but it was worth every moment of it… The wedding venue looked like something out of a fairy tale.

Will fell asleep early and woke up late every day, so Alyss always spent an hour or more with her head on his shoulder or his chest, with one arm around him, listening to his breathing. It was a beautiful song to hear.

'Our wedding…' Alyss thought, grinning. 'I’m getting married to Will tomorrow… That means I’ll be Alyss Treaty.' She closed her eyes and giggled, softly, so she wouldn’t wake Will. Not that she could wake him if she tried; he slept so deeply, not even an earthquake could wake him up. Sometimes he snored, but not so much lately. Not tonight. It was just a soft hum tonight.

'Alyss Treaty. That sounds better than not having a last name,' she thought. Cranes didn’t have last names, and she never ended up making one when she and Will first met.

'Alyss and Will Treaty… Will and Alyss Treaty… both sound equally good.' Her mind sighed. 'I’m acting like a total idiot, aren’t I?' But Alyss laughed, again; she didn’t care. She was too giddy to be embarrassed at herself.

This was what heaven felt like… Every happy moment before that felt like absolutely nothing in comparison.

She fell asleep before she knew it. The line between dreaming and unconsciousness was thin that night, like it had been for a long time now.

 

The next day was the big one.

The biggest day of her life, and the best.

Alyss woke up early, like always, to weave. Will was so weak he couldn’t have woken up before noon if he wanted to. Her body was busy saving her fiance, but her mind was on their wedding.

While she weaved, she began making her vows in her head… the day before was so busy that she could only think of the basic outline, and some points that she would hit. She had yet to write it down. Will had enough time to write his speech, and Alyss didn’t because she never let herself stop working. There was always something to make better; always something to add. The work paid off, and now she could take care of the details.

Speeches were big details, but she didn’t have to do much work involving her physical body. It was all about writing from the heart, not thinking and trying her best to go by the aesthetic she wanted the venue to have.

That’s why it was so convenient that her fiance was an artist.

He worked perfectly with the aesthetic, and made the venue look better overall than Alyss ever could’ve using her head. She wasn’t worried. It was perfect. Maybe she had fretted over it too much, but it was done now. If she overthought it, then the product hadn’t suffered.

She and Will had decided to do something a little different for their vows: they would write each other’s, and then exchange them at the theoretical altar and read them to each other. At first Alyss was nervous, because she had always imagined writing her vows to Will as herself, not Will… But, the more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea. There were some things she could say as Will that she couldn’t as herself.

The door opened. This time, Alyss’s heart only jumped a little. Will knew everything already, so he didn’t have any abnormal reaction when he spotted a few feathers sprouting out of her skin. He just smiled. There looked like there were tears in his eyes, but she could’ve been imagining it.

The sunlight was hitting his face just perfectly… It made his eyes sparkle like they were hazel instead of their usual dark brown. There were small bags under his eyes, and he hadn’t bothered to straighten his hair, but he looked so much better like that. Alyss could admire him forever.

She vaguely remembered thinking about how Will looked most like himself after he’d just woken up. 'If somebody lets you see what they’re like when they’ve just woken up, it means they love you,' she thought. That was a long time ago, Alyss realized… It was the morning after Will cried, and Alyss held him in her arms and let him tell her that he was afraid to die. He looked beautiful the next morning, like none of that had happened. Months later, and he was twice as thin, twice as weak, three times as close to death, and a thousand times more beautiful...

Will left the spotlight and walked over to the opposite side of her. Her eyes followed him like they couldn’t let go, like if they let go she might cry. Her fiance sat next to her on the bench, and put his thin arms around her. His nose was buried in the crook of her neck. She could feel his warm breath on her collar bone.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” she whispered back. Her skin was glittering on the spot where his mouth had been.

 

Alyss was obsessed with making everything perfect. She was already a perfectionist to a fault, and this was her wedding. Deep down (or not so deep down) she knew it would be perfect no matter what if Will was there, but that didn’t convince her either way.

Alyss took several hours to get ready. She had anticipated this, of course, and after teasing her for a little bit about it, Will accepted that he couldn’t see her one second before she walked down the aisle and he’d have to stay away for an hour or two, at least. After her bath, she put on a plain, white dress because she couldn’t afford to go out and spend tons of money on a beautiful wedding dress. Will would think she was beautiful no matter what, anyway, and he didn’t care what she wore. He didn’t care if she even wore clothes.

'The thought made her blush violently. At a time like this?' Alyss asked herself. 'Really?'

The dress was short sleeved, so Alyss hoped it wasn’t too cold out there. That was only half- even less than half the problem with it being short sleeved. She still had cuts up and down her arms, in too many places for the dress to cover up. Only a long sleeved shirt and gloves could do that. On the other hand, if the bandages came off, she would look even worse.

That’s when she reminded herself to also be careful when she was walking in the forest. Even the slightest cut from a sharp branch could draw blood now. She didn’t have any appropriate shoes for the occasion, so she and Will agreed she would just go barefoot. It hadn’t even occurred to her until now that her skin was too delicate for that.

Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night in pain, after having moved just an inch one way and hitting a sensitive spot. Will kept his arms around her at all times to make sure she wouldn’t move and that wouldn’t happen. Both of them woke up at random times, now that she thought about it. Alyss because she was in pain, and Will to cough. Will still coughed, more than a concerning amount, as if the state of his body wasn’t enough to remind them.

Besides that, Alyss had accidentally opened several wounds from all the stress on her body. There was one wound on her thigh she was sure was infected.

She did her hair up in a simple bun, with two stray strands of wavy hair coming down on either side of her face. Carefully, she worked a crown of flowers into the bun so it looked like her hair was blooming.

Alyss bled every other time she tore a feather out. It was so bad she started keeping a stack of bandages and clothes next to her on the loom, to wrap herself in when that happened… but Alyss wondered when that wouldn’t be enough.

Before she put her makeup on, she picked up the piece of paper on her desk and read over it. It was the speech she had written for Will to read to her… Alyss had already done three rounds of final editing before that, but every time she found something else she wanted to say. That sheet of paper wasn’t nearly enough.

Even when she tried to distract herself, her mind just wouldn’t shut up.

She wondered which feather would be the last. Her work wasn’t done yet; she hadn’t weaved enough to make enough money for Will to heal, but she was close, so close she could taste it. Every morning she was met with the Earth-shattering thought… 'Will close be enough? How strong do I have to be to…'

Alyss hands dropped to her sides. “What am I doing?” she whispered to herself. She looked down at her lap.

I can’t believe I’m ruining my mood with questions I couldn’t know the answers to… 

Alyss had done this a hundred times before, obviously, but this time she gained a sort of clarity about it. She was doing what she wanted and needed to do. She was marrying Will. That was not a mistake; it was going to be the greatest thing she’d ever done.

'Will is going to be my husband,' she told herself. 'Nothing can take that away from me.'

Alyss smiled. Tears were running down her face, and she was smiling. She let out an unexpected, sudden sob, and her shoulders jerked up and down. Her hand went up to cover her mouth, and that’s when she realized she was laughing, too. It was a ridiculous thing, to laugh and cry just as hard, but she was doing it.

 

Outside, Will was ready in his button-down white shirt (because neither of them wanted, nor needed luxury clothes), standing under the tree arch, ready for her. Sable was in her position, too, but lying down. She may have been asleep, but Will hadn’t checked yet.

Alyss wouldn’t let him see what she looked like before she walked down the aisle, so he had no idea what she was going to look like. He could only guess how amazing she was going to look.

His speech was folded up in his right hand, hanging by his side. Will only realized when he lifted it up to read it over again that he was shaking. His heart was pounding out of his chest. 'Oh, God, this is really happening, isn’t it?' he thought. Will was getting nervous, now, but it didn’t make him want to run. 'This is really happening,' he thought. It wasn’t a bad thing.

Then he saw her. And all at once, his breath left him. A gust of wind came and snatched all his oxygen away from him.

Alyss’s hair was up in a bun behind her, but two wavy strands of hair were left hanging down on either side of her face. The dress almost reached her knees, and flailed out so her knees pushed it up when she walked. It was the color of light. Sunshine was yellow, but this dress was white, like the light in her eyes when she looked up and saw Will waiting for her. There was a big difference. In her hands were a bouquet Will had made her of ruscus, white lilies, and red tulips; he thought it fitted.

As Alyss glided down the aisle, she began humming “Here Comes the Bride”, and Will chuckled. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Whatever words were in his throat were stuck there. He almost glanced down at his speech, just to remind himself that he had everything he wanted to say already written down, but his eyes refused to leave her. She was radiance. She was… 

He was tearing up.

“Y-You…” he finally stuttered, when she stepped across from him under the arch. “You look… absolutely amazing…”

Alyss looked around nervously, but it didn’t take long for that nervousness to go away and be replaced with confidence. Happiness and confidence were the best combination. She met his eyes, with a smile in her own, and said, “I couldn’t tell you… how long I’ve waited for this day.”

Alyss quickly leaned over to set the bouquet on the log, where somebody was supposed to be sitting. She had tucked her speech into the back, so before going back to Will she slipped it out from in between a ruscus and a lily. They didn’t exchange papers just yet, though.

“Is our minister sleeping?” Alyss asked, gesturing with a nod towards their dog. Technically it was Will’s dog, but neither of them cared enough to distinguish that. Sable was like their child.

Will shrugged, then bent down and started shaking her body gently to find out. Sable didn’t respond at first. “Heeey,” Will cooed, “hey, girl. Time to wake up.” Sable opened her eyes. Her owner dragged her up by her stomach, and with his help she stumbled stubbornly to her feet, clearly upset with the new situation and wishing she could go back to sleep. “There we go,” Will grinned.

Alyss giggled, then cleared her throat and became composed. She raised her voice to a higher pitch like she was mimicking Sable’s voice, saying, “Thank you all for coming.” She gestured to the dozen empty seats next to her.

Will barely stifled a laugh, but Alyss continued with as much coolness as she could hold, “We are gathered here to witness the beautiful, ceremonious marriage of Alyss, and Will Treaty…” She met Will’s eyes. “I’m not entirely sure what the usual format is for a wedding, so let’s go ahead and hear their vows that they wrote for each other.”

“Wait,” Will interrupted, “first, is there anyone who objects to this union? Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

They waited, and they heard nothing but silence in response. Just as Will opened his mouth to continue, a bird somewhere nearby in a tree decided that that moment would be the perfect time to chirp.

Will and Alyss’s heads turned around to face it and, together, they snapped at the bird, “Be quiet.” Whether the bird understood their harsh tones or not, it shut up.

“Now, our speeches,” Will said.

He and Alyss handed their folded up pieces of paper to each other. They waited to open them until they decided who was going to go first; they wanted to see the other’s writing for the very first time when they read it, not before.

“You go first,” Will insisted.

Alyss nodded, and started to open Will’s speech. Will didn’t write in a big font, but almost the entire page was covered with words. Tiny, cute hearts were scattered here and there, and he had drawn a medium sized picture at the bottom of the page. With her strong will, she convinced her eyes to not look at it just yet. No spoilers.

Alyss took a deep breath and began, “Will… so it’s our wedding day. I can’t tell you how overwhelmed I am with how incredible you look right now… Your smile is gorgeous.” She should’ve expected something like this. “You’re the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen, ever.”

“Awe, I’m blushing.”

“I promise to always cook great meals and do the dishes afterwards because I know how much you hate the dishes,” she read, her voice completely flat and unamused.

“How’d you know? You’re so sweet.”

Alyss gave him a dangerous look, but it was paired with a grin. Her fiance winked.

She rolled her eyes and looked back down at the paper. The mood made a 180 degree turn in the next sentence he wrote: “I also always promise to hold your hand… and sing to you when you can’t fall asleep, because I know that when I do, you always sleep better than normal… I promise to spend every day with you, for the rest of our lives, and it doesn’t matter how long that may be. Whatever is in store for us, in the future, it will be better with you there. Certain circumstances have complicated things a little more than they should be, and even if you’re still afraid-”

“And I am,” Will said, quickly.

“...If we go through this together, there’s nothing to regret. Marrying you is the best decision I’ve ever made, and the best we’re ever going to make no matter how long we live.” Alyss paused, waiting for her voice to stop cracking. Even though Will was talking from Alyss’s perspective, it felt like, now, he was talking from both.

“No matter which direction we walk, if I’m holding your hand, then there is nothing to be afraid of… I’m more myself in your arms then I ever was by myself. When we set up the wedding venue, I would sometimes, randomly look up at you and what you were doing. I wanted to walk over to you and kiss you every time; hold you in my arms like the world was falling apart. You walk like you’re dancing. You talk like you’re saying something brilliant every time and that’s why I listen closely to every word you say. I don’t want to miss a thing. I don’t want to miss a moment of you, ever…” It was no use. A tear dropped from Alyss’s eye and rolled down her skin, to her chin.

“You’re my miracle. All these times with you, when we’re laughing or when we’re crying could make me happy for an eternity. Tomorrow doesn’t matter right now. This, right here, is our eternity…” Alyss looked up from the paper, to Will, the man who wrote these words. She was crying. She whispered the last words on the page, “I’ll hold you until it’s over.”

Will signed his name at bottom, in cursive, even though he never wrote in cursive. There was a beautifully drawn picture of a feather next to it.

 

“Will Treaty…” Alyss said, in her Sable voice, “do you take this woman, Alyss, to be your wife; to love and hold forever, till death due you part?”

“I do,” Will answered. He’d never sounded so sure about anything. In exchange, he said, “Do you, Alyss, take this man, Will Treaty, to be your husband; to love and hold forever… till death due you part?”

Alyss smiled so widely she could feel her whole body swell. “I do,” she said. “A thousand times over, I do.”

They didn’t spare enough money to buy proper rings, either; that was something that Alyss wouldn’t compromise on. But Will came up with something better. He found a beautiful, blooming, white flower and fashioned its stem to wrap around like a ring. Somehow he knew the exact size.

“It’s a carnation flower,” Will explained, fitting one onto Alyss’s finger. Their foreheads barely touched, even when it wasn’t necessary for them to be that close. “They’re known for their ability to bloom all year round, just like you.”

Alyss felt a chuckle rising up in her chest, but it turned into a sob at the last moment. How many times had she cried that day? Many.

Will gave Alyss the other ring, so she could slip it onto his own finger. “This is for forever,” she said. The words just burst out of her mouth, but she trusted her heart to know what she wanted to say. “All year, every year… I’m yours.”

When they were done exchanging rings, they didn’t back away. They still held each other at an arm’s distance, their foreheads leaning towards each other in anticipation for what was next.

“I now pronounce you…” Alyss said, “husband and wife.” She paused. “You may kiss the bride,” she whispered.

Will placed one of his hands on Alyss’s cheek. He touched her gently, but he knew she wasn’t fragile. Alyss’s hand crawled up Will’s arm, brushing under his white sleeve and feeling the skin underneath.

They leaned in at the same time, after waiting two seconds just staring into each other. Will could see their future in her eyes. Then their lips met in the middle, sealing their pledge for the rest of their eternity, and longer.


	12. My Miracle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, damn, this is the last chapter, isn't it? Ah, it's been so much fun writing this. Many tears of joy and sadness have been shed; many nights have been spent writing rather than sleeping (Our Eternity was written and published at 5 am and it's currently 4 am as I'm doing this, not to mention I wrote this entire thing, the unedited version, when I pulled an all-nighter two days ago). If you have any story requests, PM me because I have nothing to do after this and I would lovelovelove to write something for anybody. Thank you to everyone who read this and followed/favorited/reviewed. I love you guys.

From the moment Alyss opened her eyes that next morning, she knew what was going to happen that day. The feeling was there, hanging in the air like the scent of last night’s sex bleeding from the sheets. They were so messy she couldn’t see which side was the long side and which was the shorter… Well, it was their wedding night, after all. Thinking about it still made her blush.

Alyss smiled from the moment she regained consciousness. When Will was holding her like this, how could she not smile, even with the strange feeling floating in the air? His heartbeat was still against her ear, steadying her breath like a metronome.

It was dark outside, so she had plenty of time to untangle herself from him and get up. Getting up from that was the hardest thing she did all day.

Alyss headed straight to her weaving room, like she did every morning. The mornings were the only time when Will couldn’t try to stop her from weaving, so she spent that time as restlessly as she could.

Alyss barely felt her arm open the door to the room. She barely heard the door make no sound when the hinges moved. She didn’t remember herself sitting down, setting down the glass of water a foot away on the floor next to her, or when her fingers moved to roll up her sleeve. They’d happened to many times for her to be conscious of her movements anymore.

And yet, she stopped. She stopped, right after she’d rolled up her sleeve, and glanced out the window. It was shut. The days were getting cold, so it was smarter to shut it than keep it open like she liked to in the summer. But, suddenly, today was different.

Alyss pulled end of her white robe off the floor an inch so she could step out from the space between the bench and the loom. Her robe wasn’t silk, but it was made of an almost transparent material that was almost as thin as sink. Sometimes Will made fun of how it looked more like a cape than a robe when she walked.

He’d lift it off the floor saying, “Good morning, Your Highness” or something of the sort. Of course, when he wasn’t teasing her, he was telling her how beautiful she looked in it.

Will bought it for her back when they first met, when they decided Alyss was going to live with him… It was the gift that sealed the deal between them, and the deal that led them to the place where they were now.

She thought it was beautiful. She treasured it.

Alyss opened the window, and a gust of chilly air rolled in. The tail end of her robe shook behind her when the wind hit it. The trees outside were all bare, now, and Alyss was surprised to see some frost sprinkled on the branches. At the moment it wasn’t cold enough to snow, so she thought it must’ve been from the night before.

There were no birds chirping, like the one that had interrupted them before during their wedding ceremony. Just the sound of the wind blowing through the maze of trees uninterrupted…

The quick, fleeting memory of their wedding ceremony made Alyss subconsciously glance down at her hand. More specifically, her ring finger. The carnation flower was still there.

“It’s a carnation flower,” Will explained, fitting one onto Alyss’s finger. Their foreheads barely touched, even when it wasn’t necessary for them to be that close. “They’re known for their ability to bloom all year round, just like you.”

Alyss smiled at the memory. 'They bloom all year round…' she thought at Will, 'just like you’re going to.'

She left the window, and floated back to her bench, the white robe trailing behind her like the transparent tail of a ghost. That odd feeling was still hanging in the air… The feeling of serenity.

Alyss was smart; she took her ring off and set it next to her glass of water before she started weaving. Her mind was at peace… finally floating in the water, after months of struggling and kicking to balance herself and keep her head above the surface. She was okay with sinking.

But her fingers were restless. Her arms were bare of feathers, so she moved to her back. The back was the hardest place to reach. To make it easier on herself, she loosened the hold her robe had around her and let it drop down to her elbows. The night before had left her with nothing underneath, but she wasn’t embarrassed.

Just a week before, Alyss would’ve taken the longer way around it and let herself struggle. Now there was no shame in it. Just what had Will done to her?

Hours passed. Maybe it was days, Alyss didn’t care. She was not listening to time; she could shut it out as easily as she closed and opened the window.

This time, unlike all the other mornings she had weaved, her mind was not in turmoil. After all… the end was in sight. You’re almost done, she told herself. She took one break, only to wash the blood off her hands. Her body was feeling woozy, and she could feel herself stumbling to get back to the bench. 'Will is going to live,' she thought. 'One more. One… more…'

I can’t take much more, said one side of her brain. At this rate, you’re…

Shut up, the other side ordered.

Her determination was strong like a bull, and nothing was going to stop her now. Not when she was so close.

One… more…

She tore out one more feather that she planned to weave into the blanket, but that was it. Before she knew it, Alyss was falling. She hadn’t felt herself leaning over before her body fell from the bench and hit the hard, wooden floor mercilessly. Her arms were too numb, and too slow to catch her. It was as if direction didn’t exist anymore.

After several moments of laying on the floor in a daze, somehow, her trembling legs found the strength to stand her up. Alyss took one last look at the blanket she hadn’t finished, and then glanced down at the big puddle of blood where her body had been. She could feel her robe soaked through to the back. Wearing it had not been a good idea.

The blanket wasn’t finished, but Alyss was. She would surely mess it up beyond repair, with the hazy state she was in. Besides…

'I don’t want to go like this', she thought.

Her shaking legs found her a way out of the room, and her mind was on another planet. Through the living room, following the wall, to the door on the right… She was outside before she knew where she was going.

'It’s beautiful today…' Alyss thought, and then she collapsed onto the porch. This time, at least, she found enough sense to sit instead of just laying down like a corpse.

Alyss opened her mouth, and her breath came out a sigh. She did this several times, and fidgeted her hands; swallowed when she didn’t have to. It was all just to distract herself from the overwhelming urge to close her eyes… 

Had the sun not been out, the scene probably would’ve been very depressing to look at. The grass was turning an ugly, light brownish color, and the frost that covered the trees was the only color that wasn’t brown, grey or black in her vision. Everything else was muted… That was, except the sun.

The sun was one, distinct, glaring ball of light. It didn’t light up the entire sky; just one piece of it. The colors surrounding it quickly faded into pastel pinks and yellows, like the sky wasn’t even there, fighting its way through the background.

And after every breeze, hitting her bare, almost exposed chest was the comfort of warmth. The warmth in the air never left; it was the brief absence of heat that made the day chilly. The sun never disappeared. The cold air just eclipsed it, but when it left…

'What a great sky to die under,' she thought.

Then she caught the faint sound of footsteps approaching her from behind. They got louder and louder, echoing in her head like falling pebbles, until they suddenly stopped.

Will had hoped to God that the red puddles he had seen inside his cabin weren’t Alyss’s blood, but that was a stupid wish. Of course they were.

They both knew this was coming. Alyss felt it from the moment she opened her eyes.

“Alyss…” he whispered. Alyss was too weak to answer.

Will came over and sat by her, one arm already behind her, ready for the moment when she couldn’t sit up straight anymore. That moment came quickly, and Alyss fell over, straight into Will’s arms. Alyss would’ve done that anyway, if she had had a choice, because she was more comfortable feeling Will’s arms around her than she was being in her own skin. It was where she could spend… well, the rest of her life. Warmly.

She saved him, she told herself. When she felt herself becoming afraid, she reminded herself that she saved him. 'I did it,' she thought. That was the real reason she cried.

Will positioned his wife so her head was sitting in his lap. He stroked her hair back softly, ignoring the blood staining his hands. He didn’t feel disgusting doing it. It was Alyss’s blood, so he loved it just as much as he loved the rest of her.

They hadn’t said a word, and tears were going down both their faces. The difference was, Alyss was smiling.

No matter how perfect this moment seemed, Will couldn’t accept that he would be happy with it being the end.

“I love you,” she whispered. Alyss was so weak Will didn’t hear what she said, but he could read her lips.

“I love you too,” he whispered back. “I’ll always love you.” He relaxed his muscles enough to bend down as far as he could, and place the deepest kiss he’d ever given on her lips. He could taste the familiar taste of her mouth through the blood. Alyss put every bit of her strength into kissing him back.

Alyss’s body was glowing. The sun was shining off her tears, Will saw, reflecting off her hair like a halo… With the last bit of her strength, Alyss lifted her right arm to show him something. Will was about to push it back down and convince her to save her strength until she couldn’t anymore, but then he saw what was in it.

A single, beautiful, white feather.

He took it in his shaking hand. He glanced back down at his wife, in case she was going to say anything or give him further instructions, but her eyes said all he needed to know.

And then everything Will had been trying so hard to keep together broke. “I didn’t w-want this to happen,” he sobbed. He could feel himself crumbling to pieces on the inside. He clutched the feather tightly in his hand for support.

“Don’t cry like that,” Alyss told him. “Shh, don’t…”

“I told myself I was ready,” he said. His sobs were violent, now, not gentle. “Or, I said I was going to be strong and let you go without a word, because there’s nothing we can do now, right? But I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready to live without you. The night when I told you I was afraid to die… That’s nothing compared to right now. I’m more afraid for you to die than I ever was thinking about myself. P-Please… I-I feel like I’m falling apart…”

Suddenly he stopped. He looked down at Alyss, and found that she was smiling. “You’re…” he whispered, “you’re not sad.”

“Of course I’m sad,” she breathed. Her words escaped her mouth at the same time she exhaled, to save energy. “I saved you. That's all I wanted to do... I wouldn't have this any other way."

“I would…” He would rather die.

“And you’d be where I am now. That’s all that would change.” Will couldn’t respond to that.

He was trying, with everything he still had keeping him together, not to scream. Alyss was falling away in his arms. This couldn’t happen, he told himself, but it was. He could feel her body growing heavier, and lighter at the same time, like she was ascending to heaven and losing her strength all at once. He could feel his soul slipping from his body in hopes of finding hers.

But Will nodded, forcing a painful smile up his lips. The smile was because of her voice; her voice was still here. Her voice had the power to seal all his wounds shut. Trembling, he asked, “W-What am I supposed to do w-when you’re gone?”

“...L-Live… Live until you’re happy again. Don’t struggle now… Take the medicine. Promise.” Alyss relaxed, and melted further into his arms.

“I will. I promise, for you,” he said, stroking her hair back again. He placed his hand on the side of her still-warm cheek and wiped away her tears. “If only for you. Promise me… you’ll haunt me, after this. I’m so glad you came back to me, after you flew away. You’re… the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Alyss smiled wider, this time out of amusement. No laugh escaped her lips, but he saw her face light up just like she did when she was laughing. If she didn’t say a thing, he could still hear her words from the way she was looking at him. Right now she was saying “I love you”.

Her head turned to the side, towards his body and away from his hand, unsupported anymore. Will brushed back a blonde lock of her hair behind her ear. “I love you,” she mouthed.

Will took in a deep breath… and he sang:

“Sunshine lady,

Color of sunshine in your hair.

Happiness is the gown you wear.

I would follow you anywhere,

My sunshine lady.

Spread a little light around, sunshine lady.

Isn't it true?

I love you, la da da daa.”

A peaceful smile spread across Alyss’s lips. Never before had Will seen something so beautiful.

“Spread a little light around,

Sunshine lady.

You are the one who lights up the sun…”

Alyss’s head fell limp. Will looked up, at the particles floating in the ray of sunlight beaming down on them and wondered which one of them was her. She was flying, flying far away… 

 

(Quote=flashback/thought)

“Alyss… you look radiant today. You always do.”

Years later, when Will saw a crane flying by him in the forest, he stopped and wondered if it was her.

“If I didn’t have you, I don’t think I would’ve survived as long as I have. Your words could heal any wound on my body.”

He kept the paper where Alyss had written her wedding vows to him, and stored it safely in his desk drawer… Eventually, he had read over it so many times he could recite it by memory:

“From the first moment I saw you, it felt like an angel had come to save me. …I’m trying to be as un-cliche as possible, here, so give me a break. This is difficult, and yours is probably the most beautiful piece of literature on Earth and I’ll never be able to compare to it.”

Will kept his second promise, and sold the last blankets she made. He made enough money to get treatment for his illness, and he made sure to give the doctor plenty of grief for it as he healed him. He knew that’s what Alyss would’ve wanted. Sometimes he could feel her smiling at him from the corner of the room, and sometimes he turned and smiled back.

“I don’t have to hear it to know that. You’re a natural poet. The way you work with words… The way you see life… I wish I could understand the world like you do. You don’t just understand the world, you are it. You become it. You stole my heart, and I hope you never give it back because it’s better in your hands than it ever was in mine.”

Of course, Will still cried. He cried in the morning, when he woke up and she wasn’t there. He cried at night, when he had to sing to himself instead of hearing her voice. For the first year after she was gone, he cried during the day, too. Alyss’s face was in every picture he drew… In every portrait he drew of her, always smiling, so he wouldn’t forget her face, and in every landscape photo he sketched. She was always there, if nowhere else.

Will started selling his drawings. They didn’t make too much money, but the people who did buy them adored them. Will frequently asked his fans if they could see his wife in the picture… they said yes.

“If you had asked me to marry you the day we met, as humans, then I would’ve said yes. When I looked into your eyes, I saw the future. I saw the universe. When I look into your eyes today, I see an even brighter one.”

But, years later, he found himself smiling whenever he missed her. This was what she wanted; this was making her happy.

“I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you a thousand times more than I was back then. I sincerely believe fate tied us together for a reason, and no matter what happens tomorrow, or the next day, that was not a mistake. Nothing that we’ve done is a mistake, if it means it led us here.”

He asked her what he should do after she was gone, and she told him to live until he was happy again. He looked forward to that day.

“I love you. Oh, my God, I love you more than love itself.”

So, despite himself, he smiled.

“Marry me, my love. Marry me, not just today, but with every word you say in the future. Marry me every night, and every morning. Every time the answer will be yes.”

And he looked at that feather he kept by his bed, every night.

Every winter, she was still his miracle that kept him going.

“I love you, my winter miracle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed how ironic it is that I completed this story themed around the seasons, mainly winter, while on my Spring Break.


End file.
